BOOK
Whether you’re the powerful CEO of a flourishing Fortune 500
company or a struggling musician and part-time waiter, you have the power
within you to be irresistible to beautiful women. In fact, there’s only one thing that
separates the Casanovas from the creeps, the Lotharios from the losers, and the
players from the posers: men who are successful with women have simply learned
how to unlock this innate power, and how to use all its benefits to their
greatest advantage.
I know, I know…it sounds too simple, right? And why should you believe me anyway? What makes me such an expert on the subject?
I’ve spent years and years studying psychology,
relationships, and attraction, and have worked as a professional dating coach, a
social dynamics and charisma instructor, and a body language expert. I trained with Wyatt Woodsmall,
neurolinguistic programming and motivational speaking expert, and long-time
mentor of Anthony Robbins, as well as the first generation of Dale Carnegie instructors. I also founded and hosted the first radio
show that was completely devoted to helping men succeed with women on Maxim
Radio, which appears all over North America on SIRIUS
XM Satellite Radio. I
have worked alongside the Anthony Robbins Company and advised the Board of
Advertisers for Axe Bodyspray. I have
trained everyone from athletes, to celebrities, to marketers, from students in
their freshman year in college to men in their 80s, and I can tell you that
everything you’re about to read in this book works. You will never learn a more important skill
set in your life.
This information will do everything for you. It will accelerate your business when you
learn to understand and influence social dynamics. It will strengthen your friendships. It will allow you to create a friendship with
anyone you need to be a friend. You will
have control over all of your social interactions, romantic or otherwise.
As a man who is interested in improving the quality of his
life by picking up this book, you
probably have a goal in mind, an ...you’re going to see improvements in idea of what you
want from your
new-found knowledge.
Maybe every area of your life that involves social you just want to
attract beautiful interaction. women.
Maybe you want to find your future wife.
Maybe you want to date around and meet lots of women. Maybe you simply want to learn how to relate
to people more effectively. Regardless of what your intentions are right now, I
can tell you that as soon as you learn the skills I’m about to teach
you in this book, you're going to see improvements in every
NOTES area of your life that involves social interaction.
Take a moment to think about why you do the things you do.
What is the motivation that drives every action you make? Why, for example, do you want a good job?
Nine times out of ten, the answer to that question will be
“Because if I get a good job, I can make a lot of money.” But
what if you could make a lot of money being a panhandler on the
street? Do you think you would be just
as satisfied doing that as if you were
in a very successful job that paid well and lead to a long career? There are reports of panhandlers in Canada that are making over $60,000.00 a year
- $400.00 to
$800.00 a day. If you
can make that much money panhandling, why aren’t you doing it? Why isn’t everyone out on the street asking other people for money?
The reason we’re not all takin’ to the streets Doobie
Brothersstyle is that you have no social value when you panhandle. Having no social value can make it very
difficult to have personal value (aka confidence), and that, in turn,
means that you are not attractive. The whole point of making money is that it
will allow you to provide for a future family,
and that your value is increased when other people need and depend on
you.
That’s it. That’s the
point. Don’t get confused as to why
you’re going to college, or went to college, or are working this job. Everything you do, consciously and
subconsciously, is to achieve the end goal of attracting the woman of your
dreams and, in most cases, starting a family with her. And if you don’t know the skills that I’m
about to teach you, then it doesn’t matter how much you study. It doesn’t matter what you do. It doesn’t matter how much you make. In fact, it matters very, very little how
much you make! Not having the skill set
you’re about to learn means that you’re not going to be able to live your life
with the confidence of knowing that you're heading in the right direction and
knowing that you’ll be able to get what you want, especially if it involves
women.
I know there are a lot of people out there who just get
“lucky,” but you and I are not interested in them. Why would you want to be one of those
people? Why would you want to be the
kind of man who just has to be in the right place at the right time in order
for something good to happen to him? I’m not going to teach you how to put
yourself into the kind of situation where you simply stand around and allow
things to happen to you. I’m going to
teach you to create those situations.
“Knowledge is power.”
I’m sure you had that phrase drilled into your head when you were a
kid. Sure, it sounds nice… but it’s
completely meaningless. Knowledge is not
power. Application is power. You can
know anything – everything! – but if you don’t apply the concept, you will not
be any more powerful.
Let’s say, for instance, that when you finish reading this
book I give you a treasure map to a million dollars. All you have to do is follow the map and all
the million dollars is going to do is sit there and wait for you to find
it. When I hand you the map to the
million dollars, are you rich? No,
you're not rich. Do you have a million
dollars? No, you don’t! All you have is knowledge about where the
million dollars is. You have to stand up
and motivate yourself to follow the map and get the money.
This is the key to mastering this material. Knowledge is just a means to application –
you’re learning this material so you can apply it. That’s it!
If, on the other hand, you don't use the knowledge that you gain, you’re
just taking up space in your brain.
You’d be better off just forgetting it.
You with me so far?
Good. Then let’s go back to
talking about goals for minute…
Humans are intention-fulfilling machines. We have the ability to create an idea of
something we want and then work towards achieving it. Regardless of what else we may be doing at
the time, regardless of what happens that’s outside of our control, we are
always reaching towards the goals we create for ourselves. Because of this, it’s extremely important to
be aware of what your true intentions and goals are. Think about it now. Take a moment to figure out what you want to
gain from learning this material. I’ll
wait.
Got it? Great. Now make sure that what you’ve come up with
is specific. You don’t need to tell me
“I want a blonde girl who is 5’10” and 130 pounds” – I don’t care about what
you want. I care about why. Why do you want it? Why are
you taking the time to read this book? You are significantly more likely to attain
your goals if you can concretely explain to yourself why you want them, not
simply what they are.
So tell me why you’re learning. Think about it carefully. Whatever you hope to gain from this, you will
gain at some point. If you fail to
uncover your true intentions and set
appropriate goals accordingly, you will not be happy with
what you attain.
When I initially started learning this, I was very clear
about what I wanted to get out of it: “I
want to gain the ability to attract my wife when I finally meet her.” The last thing I wanted was to meet the woman of my dreams
and stand
there and stare at her not knowing what to say, clueless
about how to attract her, and unsure of how to move forward. Eliminating that possibility, that was my
intention.
Unfortunately, I know a lot of guys who started studying
this without getting their intentions straight first. They studied
and applied their knowledge until they arrived at the point they thought
they wanted to be, only to find that they
weren’t satisfied with it. They
had nothing left except to say that their intention was only to sleep with a
bunch of beautiful women.If that’s your
intention, that will happen. But the
problem is that the moment you achieve that goal, you have nowhere else to go,
nothing new to achieve, nothing higher to strive for. Your success begins to stall and you hit what
is known as “a glass ceiling,” which means that you can see something desirable
(metaphorically on the other side of the ceiling), but you can’t figure out how
to reach it.
A lot of men I know who are considered experts in this field
– popular authors, well-known dating coaches, famous pickup artists – aren’t as
successful as they’re telling you and they’d like you to think. It’s because
they set out with the wrong intentions and found themselves victims of the
limitations of the glass ceiling. They
started out thinking “I’m going to learn how to pick up a hot chick,” and now
that they have that ability they’re stuck in meaningless relationships with
different women, pretending to be happy, cheating on the people they’re seeing. They can’t move their relationships forward
and girls leave them as soon as they see there’s no substance to them. Instead, they’re forced to constantly bounce
from woman to woman.
I’m sure some of you think that that doesn’t sound like a
bad idea at all, and hey – if that’s what you want, that’s what you want! I’m
not here to judge or tell you how to ...whatever your true
intention is, I live your life. But make
sure that guarantee you’re going to fulfill it.
really is your true intention, because whatever your true
intention is, I guarantee you’re going to fulfill it.
I’ve taught thousands of men from all walks of life. I’ve taught guys who were just out of high
school, I’ve taught guys who were over 70 years old. I’ve taught guys who are married, guys who
are single, guys who are recently divorced, guys who just came out of a
relationship. I’ve taught guys who are
in a relationship how to make their relationship stronger.
I’ve taught religious guys and guys who have no
religion. I’ve taught every kind of guy
you can think of. Through all of it, I
have discovered that there are some concepts that transcend all barriers,
transcend everything that makes you different
from everyone else. These are the
concepts that I’m going to teach you.
Treat this book like a valuable reference (because it is!).
Read through it once and gather as much information as
possible, then keep it handy so you can refer to it any time you eed a question answered or require a
little bit of a refresher on a certain topic.
You’ll find the answers to most
situations that you are in, will be in, or have been in, right
here. I’ll go over everything in depth,
and in the future there will be bonus
chapters and other material that will allow you
to delve deeper into whatever subject interests you most, or
whatever area you think you need the most help with. If you
learn everything in this book, you will be a complete badass with women.
Hold on – are you still not convinced? Are you still making
the excuse that because you weren’t born with a natural
aptitude for attracting women you won’t ever be good at it? Let me say a word or two about naturals…
Every man who seems like a natural isn’t really a natural.
Preposterous, right? Wrong. Even the “naturals” had to gain the skill set
from somewhere. No one is born with the
ability to attract women – it’s learned.
Now, it may not be learned by picking up a book and reading it, but that
doesn’t mean the learning process doesn’t happen. The “naturals” acquire
this invaluable information by mimicking male figures in
their lives – a father, an older brother – and by learning other do’s and
don’ts from important female figures.
This is the only thing that separates you from the seemingly genetically blessed “naturals.”
But keep this in mind: naturals cannot control their environment.
They don’t know why they do things – they only
do things a certain way because it’s how they’ve always done
them. They work at an entirely
subconscious level. That's exactly what
being a 'natural' means. It's a subconscious way of attracting women. If you
don't know why it works, it's because
you are not aware of it. Therefore it seems to be 'natural' to you.
Evolutionarily speaking, that is not an adaptive trait. It is
not a quality that will help them survive in the long run. You, however,
are going to learn how to have the same level
of success by acting on a conscious level. You will be able to control everything you do,
and therefore also be in control of the
subsequent outcomes.
This is far more powerful than learning all of this
naturally, because when something doesn’t go the way you plan, you’ll know how to fix it. A natural in the same situation would be forced
to give up and move on. Think about it
this way: most people get in a car, turn it on, and drive it without actually
understanding how the car works. Only
mechanics, the true experts on the subject, understand how a car functions. So
what happens, if you’re not a mechanic, when your car breaks down? You have to call someone who knows about
cars so they can come and fix it for you. But if you are a mechanic and you find
yourself with a busted car, you simply have to pull over, assess the damage,
and fix it. In fact, it might even run
better than when you started out!
Most women may not really be into cars, but learning how to
attract them works in a remarkably similar way.
If you understand how to interact with women, you’ll be able to “fix
your car,” and attract women more successfully than any of your
competitors.
Learn everything you read in this book. Take notes.
Test it out as often as possible.
I’ve tested it countless times, and
I’ve had thousands of people who learned from me test the
same ideas. I have
worked out every single kink I have ever found in this system. It works.
So without any further ado, read on and keep an open mind
during the process because everything you learn from now
until you finish is going to change your life.
This is everything you need to
know in order to be a complete badass with women.
One of the most important things you’ll take away from this
book is the ability to understand the differences between the male and female
gender roles. There are very specific
reasons why women are attracted to a certain type of man, and why you are
attracted to a certain type of woman.
For most of history, people were only allowed to play the
gender
role that was associated with The Darwinian idea of “surival
of the their sex – men had to conform to the male gender role and women
fittest” is outdated.
had to embody the female gender role. Failing to do so meant that you would not
survive. Now, however, attitudes towards
gender roles are beginning to change, and chances of survival are altering with
them. The Darwinian idea of “survival of the fittest” is outdated.
In modern society, weak men who once would have been removed
from the gene pool by natural selection, are able to survive, procreate, and
nurture families of more weak men. Our society places less value on physical strength,
and
more value on other, more abstract qualities. These are the qualities that you must learn
to display if you want to be a badass with women.
In order to understand the relationship between attraction
and gender roles, you must remember one thing: men and women who are playing a
specific gender role are always attracted to someone who is playing the
opposite gender role. So if you, as a
man, are playing the male gender role, you will be attractive to women who are
playing the female gender role.
Conversely, if you are a man who is playing the female gender role (and
yes, it is extremely common), you will attract women who are playing the male
gender role. It doesn’t matter what kind
of women your conscious brain tells you you’re interested in. You will unconsciously attract women that are
playing the opposing gender role. I will explain why in a minute.
But what do “male gender role” and “female gender role”
really mean? Let’s define the terms so
that you can understand how to play the male gender role properly so that you
naturally attract the kind of woman that you will be interested in
attracting. Without this knowledge, you
will continually attract the kind of woman who will eventually lose attraction
for you, who will lose your interest, or you will think is of a lower quality
than what you deserve. An understanding
of gender roles will open up a massive door for you, allowing you to meet a lot
of women that you never expected to encounter.
Let’s go into what gender roles aren’t. Traditionally,
according to the male gender role, a man is meant to be a
providerprotector. It is the man’s
responsibility to hunt and gather in order to find food for his family, and it
is also his duty to provide protection for them. The man must be large, dominant, and powerful in order to achieve
this.
Women, according to the conventional idea of the female gender role, are nurturers. Their most important objective
is to give birth and care for their young until they are old
enough to survive on their own.
Even though those are very simple descriptions of very
complex topics, you can already see that ideas about the gender binary have changed a great deal. How many women
do you see that are attractive that have no sign of wanting
to have kids at the moment? Probably
several! And how many guys do you know that are skinny, even frail
looking, and yet are still successful with women?
Think of the “reckless rockstar” archetype. Those kind of men are often physically unappealing, are unreliable
partners, and are unlikely to provide and protect adequately, but are still considered attractive by millions of
women. Why? What allows that attraction to happen? What has changed that makes it acceptable when it once would not
have been?
This answer is society.
Society, and the rules imposed by it, has altered the ideas about what
it really means to be a provider-protector and what it really means to be a
nurturer. Now, in order to fulfill the male gender role, a man must be a social
provider and a social protector. It has
nothing to do with hunting for food and defending your family from attack.
A man doesn’t even need money to be an effective social
provider.
Being a social provider means that other people need you or
like you to such a high degree that they want to give you things that help you
survive. This is much more powerful than
having a lot of money.
Consider this question: Why are women attracted to wealthy
men? It’s a common question with a very
important answer. Make sure you really think it through, because there’s only
one correct response.
What does it mean to be wealthy? Well, on the surface, being wealthy simply
means you have a lot of money. But how
do you earn a lot of money?
Unless you’re following that treasure map we Consider this
question: talked about earlier, you
earn a lot of money
by occupying a powerful position. If you have a Why are women attracted to
powerful position, you are probably the director wealthy men? of some kind of
group, trend, or organization. Being a director means being a leader, and being
a leader means having followers. If
people are following you, they get some kind of value from being around
you. Simply by being with you, they
become more valuable and, consequently, happier.
So when a woman sees a man who has a lot of money, she
automatically assumes that he has the money because he gives value to a lot of
other people, and would give value to her if they were dating. The characteristic that allows him to earn
the money is more important than the money is.
Unfortunately, though, that’s not an entirely safe
assumption anymore. With the invention
of the Internet came the ability to make money online without interacting with
even one person. Money, therefore, is no
longer an accurate indicator that a man
is a good social provider. Women are
learning to abandon the superficial idea that they are interested in men with money, and are coming to understand
that the money was merely an indication of a core quality they found attractive. Women can now actively seek out
men who give other people value, who make other people feel happier and more important.
In that sense, women are phenomenal talent scouts! Shortly after meeting a man, a woman can
recognize if he possesses this quality –
or even just the potential to possess it.
He
doesn’t even have to fulfill that potential, because she
already understands that he has the ability to increase the value of those around him, the one quality
that every wealthy person has. Again,
the personality trait that leads to wealth
is more important to a woman than wealth itself.
Now that you understand how the male gender role has
evolved, let’s talk about the female gender role. Women no
longer have to function solely as nurturers because there are nannies
and other people who are able to do the nurturing instead. Men now find women attractive when they fulfill
the role of empathizer – a person who feels what other people feel.
The crucial thing to remember is that if you perform your
gender role, you will attract a woman who wants to perform her gender
role. In this situation, you are likely
to have a successful relationship because you balance each other out. If you
don’t play your gender role, or don’t allow a woman to play hers, role reversal
will occur and the relationship will fail.
I’ll tell you more about role reversal shortly, but first I want to talk
about the dichotomy that exists within every man.
There are two basic parts to your personality: the little
boy, and the man. It’s natural for the
little boy to want to live his life
based on his feelings.
However, You’re allowed to feel, but you can’t as we just discussed,
being openly
emotional falls within the realm of allow those feelings to
influence your the female gender role.
So does decision-making process when you’re in a that mean that, as a
man who is committed to playing the male relationship.
gender role, you’re never allowed to feel?
Not exactly. What it
really means is that you’re not allowed to make emotionally-based
decisions. If you start making
emotionally-based decisions, the women you’re with will feel that they can’t
make emotionally-based decisions. Two
emotional people do not make a healthy relationship! To compensate, the women will begin to
replace their feelings with logic, and will start to lead the
relationship. Role reversal will occur:
you will be forced into the female gender role, and she will be forced into the
male gender role. Neither of you will be
happy with the dynamic in the relationship, and you will blame each other for
your unhappiness.
To avoid this situation, make sure that the little boy
aspect of you can never make decisions without first getting the approval of
the man aspect of you. You’re allowed to
feel, but you can’t allow those feelings to influence your decision- making process when you’re in a
relationship. Be logical about making
decisions that will make your relationship better in the future, and let the women you are with
focus on making themselves happy and using their abilities as empathizers
to solicit emotions out of you and to
make you happy.
At this point, you’re probably wondering how to very clearly
play the male gender role so that you avoid all the problems I’ve outlined here. It’s vital that you are aware of the image
you are projecting at all times.
Let’s say that you’re walking in a public park with the
goal of meeting as many random people as
possible. Whatever default mode you’re
in is the mode in which you are going to
attract women. So if your default
mode is to play the female gender role, women who also want to play that role
will not be attracted to you. In fact, you’ll start to attract women
who play the male gender role by default and, typically,
they will not be attractive to you. This
is why you have to be conscious of
always demonstrating the male gender role.
To recap: if you lose control of your emotions and fail to
play the male gender role, women will not feel safe to lose control of their
emotions around you, though it is their right to play the female gender role
and empathize or feel without inhibition.
A woman playing the female gender role will like to be with men who make
her feel feminine, who make her feel like a woman , and if she finds it
necessary to abandon her feelings, rely only on logic, and lead the
relationship, she will lose her feelings of femininity. She will end the relationship, or become
angry and blame you for her unhappiness.
And you actually will be to blame, because it’s your job as a man to
make sure that you are always playing the male gender role so that she can feel
comfortable playing the female gender role.
It’s also the man’s job to reward women for playing the
female gender role. Anytime a woman
wants to feel small, dainty, fragile, weak, protected, or any other quality
that is important to the female gender role, you must accept it and support
her. Allowing her to fulfill her role
will in turn make you fulfill your role better.
You will be more attractive to her, and your relationship will be
stronger.
Don’t forget – you’re still only in
the first chapter of this book. At Anytime
a woman wants to feel small, this stage in the game, you don’t
need to worry about trying to dainty, fragile, weak,
protected, or any feel what she feels.
You’re not
trying to form a deep emotional other quality that is
important to the connection with her yet.
That’s female gender role, you must accept it ...
a more advanced skill that we’ll talk about later. For now, think of love as being a bit like
doing a magic trick. You are the
magician. It’s your job to make a
quarter disappear over and over again, and it’s her job to appreciate it and
feel amazed because she can’t figure out/ doesn’t want to figure out how you
did it.
You can also think of the female gender role as being like
“chasing a butterfly....” Let me
explain...
Picture this: You’re in a field that’s full of butterflies,
and all of the women who are openly emotional and playing the female gender role are chasing them. Their sole job is to run after the
butterflies and enjoy how beautiful they are.
But if they’re only focused on
the butterflies, they won’t be able
to pay attention to where they’re going. They might trip on a rock, or step in a hole
or chase it off a cliff. That means it’s your job to move everything out of the
way – to get rid of the rocks and plug up the holes – so that they feel
safe pursuing the butterflies.
A woman can feel openly until she reaches the point that
doing so will have a negative effect on her.
If what she's feeling is going to
harm her, you, or the relationship, then you have to stop her. But don’t interfere until then. One of
the major misconceptions that men have is that women and men speak the
same language. I hate to break it to
you, but women are not speaking the same
language as you. Women
are speaking from the point of view of someone who is
playing the female gender role. Things
that they say don’t have to make
complete sense to you, and you don’t always need to agree with them. All you
need to do is understand that a woman is speaking a different language because
she wants a different outcome for herself than you want for yourself.
There are things that you do that make you feel more like a
man that aren’t going to make her feel better as a woman, and there are things
that she does that make her feel good as a woman that aren’t necessarily going
to make you feel NOTES
good as a man. Lots
of women like watching soap operas or going on shopping sprees, but there’s a
good chance you don’t enjoy doing the same things, and there’s no reason
you have to. The truth is that pretending to like all the
same things that women do is a weak and manipulative way of trying to get into a woman’s heart.
Instead, you have to embrace your manhood, embrace the new
definition of the male gender role, and refuse to budge on it even when tested. And believe me, a woman will constantly be
testing you to see if you’re truly able to
play the role well. If you pass
the test, she’ll feel safer being a woman.
But if you fail it, you’ll find yourself in the downward spiral of gender role reversal.
Here’s how you know you’re being tested: The woman will
begin to take control of things, to coordinate activities and lead the relationship, and will slowly take
over all the duties that would normally be yours. Why will she do this? Because she needs to know that you will play the male
gender
role even if she tries to do it. If both of you try to think logically and
lead, your relationship will fail.
Likewise, the relationship will also
be unsuccessful if both partners try to fill the typical female role of
empathizer.
If you do not pass the test, she will continue to play the
male gender role and eventually you will naturally start to play the female
gender role. You will surrender all the
good power that makes you feel like a man.
And here’s the crazy part: she doesn’t want that to
happen. It might seem like a woman would
love be the powerful one in her relationships, but in reality that’s almost
universally not true. She wants to be
able to trust the man she’s with to control the relationship, so that she can
feel safe and secure about feeling without reserve. If you are
It might seem like a woman would love be the powerful one in
her relationships, but in reality that’s almost universally not true.
not satisfactorily fulfilling the male gender role, if you
back down every time someone challenges you, she cannot trust that you will
protect her. The insecurity will force
her to assume the male gender role, and, well, you already know what the
consequences of role reversal are.
Your understanding of gender roles will be the deciding
factor in whether or not you are able to naturally attract the kind of woman
you want.
Sure, all women are different in some ways, but when it
comes to what women find attractive in a man, they’re a lot more similar than
you might think. Ask as many women as you
want, and the one thing they’ll all agree on is that they love men with
confidence. It’s a MASSIVE misconception
that men are confident because they are attractive – in fact, it’s the other
way around. Men are attractive because they are confident.
But if confidence is the number one quality that women find
attractive in men, why is it that so many guys still don’t understand what
confidence really is? Most people only
think of confidence as a collection of shallow clichés they learned from their
(well-intentioned, but misinformed) mothers: “Be yourself!” “Don’t be afraid to be who you are!” That advice was fine when you were a kid (or
if you’re like me, even then I didn’t get it), but at this stage of your life
it just doesn’t cut it. So what is confidence
and why do women find it attractive? And the million dollar question, “How do
you get it???”
Remember our conversation about money from the last
chapter? Let me refresh your memory:
it’s a commonly held belief that women are attracted to men with money. The reason women seem to fall for wealthy men
is that humans work on what is called a “slippery slope mentality,” which means
that our thought processes typically follow an “If this, then that” pattern. When a woman sees a man with money, she might
automatically think “Hm…this could be the man for me. I can have whatever I want. I will be treated well.” But subconsciously, there’s a lot more going
on than the simple “I can get free stuff” thought process. After all, there are lots of guys out there
who would treat her well – a bum could be the most loving and attentive
boyfriend she’s ever had! – but she’s probably not going to be attracted to
them because there are other factors at play in these situations.
Women understand that having money is indicative of other
desirable qualities that make a man valuable, including confidence. Think back to what we went over earlier: if
you
have money, you probably had to work for it. If you earned
that much money working, you probably hold a powerful position in which many
people depend on you. Women typically find the idea that a man being capable of
performing under extreme amounts of pressure to be highly attractive.
Women also like men in leadership positions because it
signifies that people follow them, trust them, and place value on in their
opinions and ideas. A man like that is
able to make other people feel valuable simply because they are with them.
Confidence, essentially, is the possession of the ability to increase the value
of others around you. That’s why guys who don’t have money but do demonstrate
this quality are still able to attract beautiful, self-assured women.
So how do you exude this quality when you meet a woman? Before we talk about that, we have to examine
what’s going on in a woman’s head ...whatever you’re feeling
at any given when she first encounters you and moment tends to show
automatically in decides how attractive you are.
How does she evaluate you?
How your body language.
is she able to read your personality the way you’re reading
this book?
There’s one simple thing that we can all read naturally on
the surface of everyone we meet: body language.
I won’t go into too much detail here because body language is such an
important topic that I’ve dedicated an entire chapter to it later on, so for
now just know that humans read body language instantly and make countless
assessments based on the information they gather from doing so.
Why do we put so much faith in the messages of body
language? Isn’t it something that could easily be faked? Actually, it’s not. Body language lives largely in your
subconscious mind, which means that you’re not really aware of the messages
it’s sending. Your subconscious mind is
also home to your emotions, so whatever you’re feeling at any given moment
tends to show automatically in your body language. Very few people are able to learn to
completely and effectively control their body language, so it’s almost always
an accurate, trustworthy source of information about someone.
This brings up yet another important question: if body
language is controlled by emotions, what are emotions controlled by? And if you
figure out what is in charge of your emotions, can you override it and direct
them consciously and control your emotions?
Wouldn’t it be great if you had the power to make sure that you were
never nervous, never flustered, never angry?
If you could always be happy, confident, and in control? Of course it would! And believe it or not, it is possible. In order to do that, though, you’re going to
have to learn to hack into your brain and make it work for you.
The things that control your emotions are your beliefs. If you
believe you’re confident, you ...women read your body
language to assess will be. If you
believe you’re in what you believe ...
control, you are. If
you believe you’re worth something, if you believe you have high-value, others
will believe it too. If NOTES
you don’t believe you have high value, your body language
will project negative messages instead.
And because your body language is controlled by your emotions and
your emotions are controlled by your
beliefs, women read your body language to assess what you believe, so make sure
your beliefs aren’t limiting your
success.
I’m not going to pretend that redefining and reinventing
your belief system is an easy task, because for most people it isn’t, but it’s one of the most important
things you’ll ever do. In order to be a
true badass with women, every man must
get to the point where he can control his emotions to be positive so his body
language naturally falls in line with
those emotions.
Imagine a scenario in which you’re walking down the street. As a confident man, you recognize that you
have lots of qualities that make you
desirable to women. In other words,
you’re hot shit, and you know it. As
you’re walking, you notice a group of
four attractive girls who are walking
towards you. The
moment you pass them, the girls all stop talking. You continue without acknowledging them, and
as soon as the girls are just a few
steps behind you they break out into a fit oflaughter. What’s your natural response? If you believe that you are attractive, your
emotions will fall in line with that belief and you will feel more
attractive. You will think that the
girls began laughing because they were nervous around you and wanted to get
your attention. Because your beliefs lead to positive emotions, your body
language will react accordingly. You will stand up straight, you’ll smile,
you’ll look at the girls and hold strong eye contact with them. Voila!
You are a powerful, confident man, and you are naturally displaying all
of the qualities that women are attracted to.
The interesting thing is that women don’t necessarily read
your body language and immediately decide whether or not they’re attracted to
you. Don’t get me wrong – it does happen
quickly, but women usually wait to see your reaction to something before making
a true assessment of you. If they can
see you in a situation in which you’re being tested in some way and they can
watch your body language in that situation, they then know for sure that you’re
acting from a direct link to your emotions, which are direct links to your
beliefs, which show them whether or not you think you're truly valuable. The four women in the walking-down-thestreet
example became attracted to you based on the body language they read from your
reaction to their silence and laughter, not your initial body language.
Now let’s pretend that the same scenario happened a little
differently. You’re still walking down
the street, and you
still pass the same group of girls. This time, however,
instead of believing that you are attractive, you think that you are only
mildly successful with women. When the
girls start laughing behind you, what’s your natural response? Because you
don’t believe that
Now let’s pretend that the same scenario happened a little
differently.
you’re attractive, you’re going feel disappointed and NOTES
rejected. You might
even get angry, and feel like you’ve been attacked in some way.
Your body language will instantly reflect all of those
negative feelings. You’ll slouch, you’ll keep your head down,
and you’ll keep your eyes glued to the ground.
You’re going to try to make your
body as small as possible so that you can
“disappear” and avoid more psychological attacks.
It's up to you to decide have the powerful and positive
belief system that will make you
attractive to women. If you don't make a committed effort to acquire them, it
won't matter what else you learn. You
could read this book a million times
and you'd still have trouble. It's not until you decide to
have confident beliefs about yourself that you will be attractive to women. Women typically tend to be more
perceptive than men, and better at detecting lies, so they’ll see right through you if you’re faking it. It is infinitely more effective to create a
new belief system for yourself.
I remember when I first tried out this concept. I was in a
town I used to live in and I was studying psychology. I was just starting to apply a lot of the
psychological concepts I’d learned to my
real life. I would literally take
information straight out of the psychology books I was reading and try them out
after class. One thing I tested was the
idea that our minds create the atmosphere around us, the atmosphere does not
create our minds. What that meant was
that I knew that as long as I could control what I believed, I should be able
to control the atmosphere that surrounded me to some
degree (I didn’t really know to what extent I’d be able to
control it though). If that was true,
then I could create an atmosphere that was aligned with my positive belief
system. I set out with the goal of pretending that I
So I tested my theory.
I set out
with the goal of pretending that I thought I was very
attractive, and seeing thought I was very attractive, and what effects the
belief had on my life.
seeing what effects the belief had on my life.
There are a few stages that everyone goes through whenever
you’re attempting to create a new belief system. In the first stage, you have to convince
yourself that the new belief is true. In
the second, you have to proclaim it and convince others. And then, you have to make the belief so
solid that there’s no doubt in your mind that it’s a fact. Even if you are presented with contrary
evidence later, you must be so confident in the belief that you don’t abandon
it. After all, why change something that
works in your favor?
The actual Stages of Belief Creation are:
Challenge - If you want to change a belief from a negative
one to a positive one, you’ll first have to challenge the validity of the
negative belief. I usually use some sort of biased deductive reasoning to do
this that sounds something like this, “Well if I’m actually unattractive then
that would mean that NO ONE in the WORLD is attracted to me in even the
slightest bit. Is that true? ... No I guess not. There are SOME women that are
attracted to me, even if I don’t seem to be attracted to most of them. So then
I’m not unattractive but every girl isn’t throwing themselves at me (yet)
either... So I’m not attractive to everyone. So it’s just as likely that I’m
attractive as it is that I’m unattractive. And if I could only believe one of
those two, which one would it help me the most to believe? Well if thought I
was attractive I’d at least feel better!”
Accept - Once you’ve challenged your old belief you then
have to accept a new one to go in its place. In this case I’d choose to believe
that I am attractive instead of unattractive because that will increase my
chances of being treated like I was actually attractive. This is where most
people use a technique called “affirmations,” which are effective at helping
you accept the new belief. They won’t, however make the belief a reality yet.
Proclaim - After you thoroughly believe your new belief,
you’ll have to see if your actions are projecting the same belief. So it’s time
to proclaim the belief out loud when it comes up in normal conversation. You
have to state it like it’s just a FACT and it’s not your opinion, though, or you
might get other people’s insecurities involved in your belief submission
process... Which is bad news.
Feedback - After you proclaim your belief you’ll have to
gauge the reactions of other people. Do they look at you curiously? Do they
just go with it completely and act like they’ve always agreed with that belief?
Do they argue with you without getting angry or emotional? Do they just flat
out disagree with you? If you get too many people disagreeing with your belief
then you’ll know that you either A) Don’t believe it yourself yet or B) You
didn’t narrow down your belief enough yet and you have to go back and modify
it. For example, if you tried to instill the belief that ALL blondes want to
jump your bones then you’ll probably get some resistance from the feedback of
other people as there will be several examples of blondes that just won’t be
attracted to you. SO you’ll have to be more honest and specific with your
belief that “Blondes seem to be generally more attracted to you for some
reason,” instead.
So my first test of this system had me convincing myself
that I was very attractive by refusing to focus on anything that was contrary
to that belief system. If I ever
encountered something that was not in line with that belief – if someone
thought that I was unattractive, for example, or if I was feeling week or
undesirable – I had to believe that that situation was simply an exception to
the rule or the truth: that I was fucking hot!
The next stage was to see if I could convince other people
that I was attractive. One day – I
remember this very clearly – I was chatting with a female friend of mine (not a
girl I was dating – I had a lot of trouble getting out of the friend zone back
then), and for some reason something I said came across as slightly arrogant. I had never acted that way before and so the
girl stopped and said “You know, you think you’re hot shit, don’t you?” I paused for a second, and then said “Yeah,
well…I am!”
And she laughed! She
laughed in my face for a good two NOTES or three minutes. So I just stood there and let her make a big
deal out of it. I held my ground,
because I figured that the worst thing that could possibly happen afterwards
was her still thinking that I was
unattractive, and that wasn’t much of a loss. And damn... It felt like she was
laughing for 20 minutes.. Haha. I guess
that was a high pressure moment for me because I remember every second of it.
It was a bit stressful!
But for the first time in my life, something strange
happened. Though I thought she was going to laugh at me some more and maybe say “Don’t kid yourself. You’re not that good looking,” she actually
paused after a while and then said “You
know, you’re right though, you are hot.”
And that was
a major turning point in my life. When I realized I could hack into my brain,
hack into my belief systems, that’s when
I really began to study everything that I’m teaching you now.
In fact, being aware that you can control your value just
by believing that you are attractive is
such a powerful concept
that this alone will give you massive amounts of success
very quickly. Though it’s not
sustainable all by itself, it's still like
turbo charging your badass skills with women.
Ultimately, a woman is looking for a man who is more
valuable today than he was yesterday, and who will be more valuable tomorrow
than he is today. Again, don't think
about money. Focus on the feeling that you are worth more/deserve more. A man
who is successful with women has a high perceived selfworth. The guys who feel that they're improving
everyday
are the truly attractive men of the world. That’s a very, very powerful belief system to
create.
So if you want to be attractive to women, I suggest that you
create the belief system that, everyday, you are more attractive than the day
before. If anyone ever leaves you or
doesn’t find you attractive on a particular day, then your chances
...if you want to be attractive to women, I suggest that you
create the belief system that, everyday, you are more attractive than the day
before.
will be better the next day.
It’s their loss because you’re going to keep improving, and the next
time they see you, you’ll be a more attractive man.
This also plays into the idea that you are taking steps
everyday towards becoming exactly who you want to be as a man. And if you don’t
feel like that is the case, it’s most likely because you haven't really thought
about who you want to be as a man! Just
keep in mind that insecurities are only unattractive when you hide them or you
ignore them. You’re going to have to get
over them eventually because that’s part of what becoming more valuable means,
but they’re only unattractive insecurities if you try to conceal them or
pretend that they don’t exist. If you
face them, and are constantly trying to correct and overcome them, you will be
exhibiting another quality that is attractive in a man. Embrace your
insecurities, but make sure you’re always working towards having fewer
insecurities tomorrow than you have today.
Creating a new belief system to rid yourself of insecurities
and become more confident in areas in which you feel inferior is key to
becoming a complete badass with women, but it’s only a piece of the
puzzle. You also must learn how to read
the value of other people. There’s a
relatively simple method to understanding what level of value everyone around
you has, and I’m going to teach it to you now.
The best way to read value is to look for specific types of
actions, and to examine the intentions behind the actions. There are four core
types of values, which we distinguish by numbers: Six, Seven, Eight, and
Nine/Ten (Nine and Ten are grouped together).
A Six on the value scale is someone who has what’s called
supplicative value. To supplicate
literally means to beg, so a person with supplicative value is someone who begs
for acceptance. These people feel as
though they have nothing to offer, so they constantly try to acquire value from
other people.
How do you spot a Six?
A Six is someone who has supplicative dynamics, someone who is
constantly buying people things in order to gain their attention. These are the guys that buy random women
drinks at bars, not women with whom they have rapport or care about. Buying a woman that you don’t know a drink is
one of the biggest mistakes that you will ever make. If you already have some kind of friendship
with
a woman, there’s no problem with treating her to a drink or
two, but buying a girl a drink just to get her attention subconsciously says
“I’m not important enough or attractive enough for you to hang out with, so I’m
going to give you this drink in hopes that it will bribe you to stay here and
hang out with me because you’ll feel guilty leaving.” Why would any guy want to
be with a girl who’s hanging out with him because she feels like she owes him?
Spending time with someone should
...buying a girl a drink just to get her attention
subconsciously says ‘I’m not important enough or attractive enough for you to
hang out with, so I’m going to give you this drink in hopes that it will bribe
you to stay here and hang out with me because you’ll feel guilty leaving.’
be enjoyable, not an obligation! This is a truly terrible way to begin an
interaction – the man will appear to lack any semblance of confidence, and
attraction will be killed immediately.
No woman wants a man who is needy and allows his life to be controlled by
his fears.
A Seven exhibits what is called combative dynamics. Those who display combative dynamics don’t
feel as valuable as other people in the room and choose to try to decrease the
value of everyone else rather than raise their own value. Sevens are insulting,
aggressive, and loud. They are typically
some of the most frustrating people to deal with in social situations because
they tend to be difficult to control.
Next on the value scale, naturally, are the Eights. Level Eights have competitive dynamics, which
means that they only feel valuable if they are able to beat everyone else in
the room at the value game. If someone
else has more value than an Eight, the Eight will challenge them to some sort
of contest in order to prove his superiority.
This often takes the form of verbal attacks.
We’ve arrived at the final category. The Nines and Tens have what is referred to
as cooperative dynamics – they gain value by making other people feel happier
and more valuable. This kind of person
is satisfied only when he is able to improve the lives of others around
him. It’s easy to spot Nines and Tens
because they are constantly making people feel good, always have nice things to
say about people, and focus on bringing out the positive aspects of others. This is a quality that women find completely,
irresistibly attractive in men.
I know what you’re thinking: Why is a Nine and Ten the same,
when a Six, Seven and Eight are all separate?
The essential difference lies in the way we see ourselves. If you consider yourself a Nine, you
recognize that you have room for improvement.
If you consider yourself a Ten, however, then you prevent yourself from
growing and improving. If you stop
growing, you in turn become less attractive. You can consider the people around
you to be Tens, but it’s important that you are always striving to improve your
value.
Now that you understand what these different kinds of people
do, it’s important to understand why they do them. What makes a Six, a
Six? Why do Eights act the way they do?
There’s something that everyone goes through called polar
opposing insecurity compensation. Polar
opposing insecurity compensation, or POIC, occurs whenever a person focuses on
something that he doesn't want to be because being that way or having that
quality makes him insecure. In order to
make himself feel like he’s gotten over that insecurity, he becomes the exact
opposite of that thing. So if you are
insecure about being too quiet, for example, you would become extremely loud
and arrogant because at the end of the day, you’d be able to look at yourself
in the mirror and say “No one could accuse me of
being too quiet today because I was So if you are insecure
about being too quiet, so loud and so arrogant that they would never have
reason to.” for example, you would become extremely Because this kind of
compensation loud and arrogant...
is always born out of a desire not to be something – to not
be shy, not be easily aggravated, not be weak, not be unattractive – a person
experiencing it will simply switch from one extreme to another, rather than
finding a healthy balance between them.
Instead of fixing the problem, this kind of manic personality change
indicates that you are unable to face your NOTES
own insecurities. In
fact, it highlights them! If you focus
only on what you don’t want to be, you cannot be confident and attractive. Polar opposing insecurity compensation
will destroy your value while forcing
you to make decisions based on fear and the perceived need to conform to a
limiting personality type. In order to become truly confident, it’s
necessary to uncover what your insecurities are and overcome them without going to the extreme in either
direction.
So how do you handle people who have different value levels?
How do you talk to a Six, Seven, Eight, or Nine/Ten? The first
step is obvious: you must assess a person’s actions in order to
determine what his or her dynamic is.
Once you are able to label the
person as a Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, or Ten, you
must ask yourself what their motivation for acting in that
manner is. What do they want? Ultimately, once you figure it out, you’re going to give them that thing
so that you give them value.
Let’s say you conclude that you’re dealing with a Six. A Six
typically wants to be accepted, so what do you do? Simple – you take them as they are, and give
them the acceptance they so desperately
desire. This can be as easy as saying
“You know what? I like you. You’re a cool guy.”
Sevens, unfortunately, are usually much more difficult to
manage than Sixes. Sevens need to feel
respected for being strong. They want to
feel like they’ve accomplished something by not being a Six, because every
Seven was a Six at some point! Neil
Strauss and Owen Cook (Tyler Durden) would call these guys “AMOGs.” People
become combative NOTES
because they were once supplicative. Being combative is a way for them to remind
themselves that they are no longer the weak, low-value people they used to
be. POIC, remember?
Be careful not to take away a Seven’s new-found value
by beating him down (verbally or
otherwise). Focus on showing
him respect, no matter how difficult it might be. Sevens can be frustrating to interact with,
so it’s essential that you understand
that they are likely not acting out because it’s who they are. They’re doing it because they want to
feel respected for being powerful. Sevens are also frequently insecure and
frightened because they think they’ve reached
the limit of their value. They
fear that they can't become
any more valuable and because of that, they have to bring
everyone else down in order to make themselves feel superior.
A common method I use to make a Seven feel respected is to
comment on how outspoken he is. It’s
simple, but effective. Next time you
encounter a Seven, just say “You know, a lot
of people don’t speak their mind and I really respect that
you speak your mind as much as you do. I
respect that.” A Seven is one of the hardest dynamics to deal
with, but you’ll almost always find that when you accept a Seven and show him a
little respect, he’ll turn into a completely different type of person around
you. In fact, if he feels accepted by
you and considers you to be of high value (that is, if he thinks you are a Nine
or a Ten and therefore have cooperative dynamics), he will automatically feel
like you are helping him to be a Ten. To
show his appreciation, he will totally
alter his attitude and will start to help you out.
That brings us to the Eights. Someone You know, a lot of people don’t with
competitive dynamics wants to win in
some way. They want
to feel like they’ve speak their mind and I really respect beaten out everyone
else. It’s a very that you speak your
mind as much natural progression from being a Seven: if you are combative and
you run into a as you do. It’s really refreshing.
lot of other guys who are combative, you will eventually
feel like you have to be the most combative and will end up being
competitive. The appropriate way to cope
with an Eight is exactly the same as the way in which you cope with Sixes and
Sevens – give them what they want. But
how do you make someone feel like they have won without looking like you have
lost? You do want the Eight to feel
valuable, but you don’t want to become supplicative or combative by doing
so.
To appease an Eight, you must make him feel that he is
already valuable in your eyes. Give him
respect, show admiration for his strength, and use language that implies that
he has achieved something. If you fail
and the Eight feels that he has lost, he will revert back to being a Seven, and
you will have an even more difficult person on your hands. If, on the other hand, you are successful,
you will create a positive frame for his interaction with you and he will stop
trying to beat you at everything. If all
goes well, he’ll become a Nine or Ten too.
And finally, you will recognize Nines and Tens because,
quite simply, they will make you feel more valuable when you are around
them. Reciprocate, and they’ll be happy.
In the long run, it is the ability to recognize the
different value levels and calibrate your personality to match each one that
makes you a truly charming person. Once
you understand this, you can control the level of confidence that you retain
while helping others to feel more powerful around you. When you are able to add value to the lives
of other people, they will begin to follow you and you will become a
leader. Becoming a leader can have
benefits such as promotions at work, which in turn lead to earning more
money. I was surprised to find out that
a good percentage (about 30%) of the guys that I have taught in person have
gotten promotions and raises directly after returning from my course. Not only
will you become a badass with women – you’ll be a complete badass
professionally and in most social areas of your life.
Most guys view success with women as something that just
happens to them. Listen to the way they
talk about it, and you’ll see what I mean.
Phrases like “getting lucky” and “getting laid” – even the idea of
“falling in love” – all imply that the occurrence was an accident. If you’ve been paying attention, you know
that you and I have no interest in being the kind of men who just find
themselves in good situations. We are the kind of men who create good
situations.
Women – and I’m sure this comes as no surprise - operate a
little differently than men. Instead of
always wanting to be able to claim responsibility for something, women prefer
to have what’s called “plausible deniability.”
Women like to be able to explain a situation by saying “It just
happened!” This allows for some control
over what occurs, while also still allowing for the excuse that whatever
happens was purely an accident of fate.
Try going to a bar and asking all the girls you meet why
they’re there. It’s very rare that
you’ll find a girl who will say “I’m just here to meet guys and to have
fun!” A lot of times they’ll say “Oh,
I’m out with a friend” or “I’m here to meet NOTES
my buddies” or even just “I’m here to drink!” But really, if you think about it, a bar is
not a very good place for those activities.
If you want to be with your friends, you should probably go somewhere that’s quieter and more
relaxed and therefore more conducive to talking. And you can drink just as easily – and probably much more cheaply –
at home. Many women do not want to admit
that they are actually at bars to meet
men.
This is where plausible deniability comes in. Women need a reason that explains why they’re
in certain situations, and it’s your job
to give it to them (more on that later).
That attitude would be considered unacceptable in a man, but women may sometimes passively allow things to
happen to
them because it fits within the female gender role.
In order to fulfill the male gender role, you must
abandon the idea that you have a
complete lack of control over your success with women. The first thing you have to do is stop yourself from using terms like “getting
lucky” or “getting
laid,” because continuing to say them will perpetuate the
situation. A complete badass with women
knows that it’s not something that
happens accidentally, so start controlling your mind by controlling your
mouth. You are responsible for
everything that happens to you, both good and bad. If you are successful with women, it’s
because you created that situation. If
you fail with women, you are also responsible for that.
Don’t get scared – it’s not nearly as intimidating as it
sounds!
In this chapter, you’re going to
learn a system that will teach you There’s a hidden
psychology that 99.99% of everything you need to know to be a hit with women,
starting from men in the world never even know exists.
before you even meet someone and ending with tips on how to
develop any kind of relationship you want with any girl. There’s a hidden psychology that 99.99% of
men in the world never even know exists.
It took me a long time to discover it too, and once I did begin studying
it I found that information on the subject was difficult to come across. What
you’re about to read – called the map of interaction – is the most precise and
complete version of that knowledge that I’ve studied.
The map of interaction is much like a roadmap. When do you use a roadmap? You use a roadmap whenever you want to go
somewhere and don’t know how to get there.
You consult the map once for directions, and then check it periodically
as you travel to make sure you’re on the right path. If you get lost, then you pick up the roadmap
again and figure out how to get back on track.
Instead of giving you directions to a location, the map of
interaction outlines how to maneuver in social situations. It will take a little while to learn how to
properly control – or “calibrate” – them in a way that allows you to do
something we will talk about later called “seeing the matrix,” but it’s an
invaluable skill to have.
The map of interaction is composed of four phases:
attraction,
rapport, seduction and a relationship balance. Humans NOTES
naturally go through these stages with everyone they meet
(though, of course, when you meet a guy, you’re going to skip seduction!). You can skip any step you want, but
doing so will have consequences. Fortunately, the consequences are
predictable. If you skip the stage of
attraction, you’ll fall into the friend
zone. If you skip the stage of rapport,
you'll encounter a lot of resistance, and any relationship that develops later will suffer from trust
issues. If you skip the stage of
seduction, you’ll likely find yourself in a passionless relationship and, finally, if you skip the
stage of relationship balance, you’ll
continuously bounce from girl to girl forever. Once you have a good
understanding of how the system works,
however, you can intentionally break some of these rules because you’ll have
the skills to return to any stage you
want and fix any issues that may have occurred.
Being a badass with women mean knowing that you can screw up badly and still have the power to set the
situation right.
Now that we have all of that out of the way, let’s go back
to the first phase: attraction. There
are three sub-stages within attraction,
called introduction, demonstrating high
value, and qualifying.
We’re going to go over each one in detail.
A lot of guys think that introduction means walking up to a
girl, saying “hello,” and giving her your name.
While that may be defined as “introducing yourself,” it is not the stage
of introduction. In fact, doing that
skips over the larger phase of attraction altogether and fast-forwards straight
into rapport. Introduction actually
happens before you even open your mouth.
Introduction is whenever you become “a blip on the radar” of the person
you’re interacting with. It is the first
time someone becomes aware that you exist.
Let’s say that you’ve never heard of my friend James. You didn’t know that he existed before, but
now that I’m talking about him, he’s on your radar. You’re aware of him. You may not know anything else about him
other than that he’s my friend and his name is James, but James has now been
introduced to you in some fashion.
Because humans’
subconscious
minds are hyper intelligent, we We read body language to see
if someone is are able to look at situations about which we don’t have very
much dominant or submissive.
information and make very powerful and accurate assessments
pertaining to them. At the beginning of
an interaction, we watch a person closely and take all of the information about
them that’s available to us so that we can start forming an opinion of
them. Men and women tend to look for
different things, but the process is the same.
Once we’ve gathered as much information as we can, we make an immediate
assessment from it called “pre-judgment.”
Prejudgment is not necessarily beneficial because the opinions formed
can often be wrong, and opinions about the same subject frequently differ
between people, but humans all naturally do it.
A pre-judgment that has been tested and proven personally true is simply
called a judgment.
There are several different sources of information that
humans subconsciously read during this process.
We read body language to see if someone is dominant or submissive. We
read the level of someone’s neediness.
We decipher whether a person is trying to get something from another
person, or is out to get someone. We
read someone’s value and determine whether he’s a Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, or
Ten. We also examine both vocal tonality
and the verbal content of a conversation.
Any red flags that pop up have a powerful effect, and allow a person to
decide whether or not they are attracted to someone within the first few
moments of meeting them.
Due to the immediacy of this decision-making process, it’s
imperative that you are constantly in a default attractive state. Your body language, for example, must always
be sending the signal that you are dominant, without overdoing it and coming
across as insecure. We’ll get into that more
in the body language section, but for now just keep in mind that everything
starts before you even introduce yourself to a girl or make eye contact with
her. The second sub-stage that occurs
during the phase of attraction is Your body language, for
example, must called demonstrating high value. always be sending the signal that
you
There are some schools of thought that call this
“demonstrating higher are dominant, without overdoing it and value,” but that
is completely coming across as insecure.
incorrect. Demonstrating
higher value assumes that the
person you’re talking to has higher value than you, and is
therefore worth more. So if you see an
attractive woman, demonstrating higher value would mean that your thought
process is something along the lines of “Well, she’s really hot NOTES and I’m
just some Joe Shmoe, so why would she ever want to hang out with me? I’d better try to convince her that I’m
attractive.” Having that mentality means
that you’re constantly trying to sell
yourself to women, and when you’re constantly trying to sell yourself, you come
across as a Six. As you know from the
previous chapter, having supplicative dynamics is the lowest form of social
value.
What, then, is demonstrating high value? Let’s take it word by word.
“Demonstrating” means “showing,” which means that you exhibit something
in a way that doesn’t require verbal
explanation. All verbal content that
happens during the attraction phase is nothing more than a placeholder. Use
conversation that’s only strong enough to hold her attention
so that you can focus on communicating back and forth using
your body language. Humans have learned
to lie very effectively using their
words but are not able to lie well with their bodies, so a woman will trust the
messages your body sends more than the
messages your mouth sends during the initial stages of an interaction.
What that means is that when you are first talking to a woman, you want to have conversations that
are not content enriched. Stick to a
playful form of speaking called banter. This is a key area where most men tend
to stumble in an interaction. Since
you're reading this book, I know that at some point you’ve had a problem with
demonstrating high value. Too many guys
spend their entire life stuck on this stage of attraction, so I’m going to tell
you how to get over this very simply so that you are constantly demonstrating
high
value without coming across as needy. In the Members Only
Are, I’ll be giving you the rest of my secrets and Techniques that will give
you a bunch of awesome tools that I usually only show my in-person students.
Demonstrating, as we’ve already discussed, means “showing,”
and “high value” means being a Ten. It
might seem like an impossible task to demonstrate that you’re a Ten in a
situation in which you don’t know anyone, but ultimately, in the beginning, all
that you want to focus on is demonstrating that you are not needy. This is a double-edged sword for a lot of
people, because many fall into the habit of thinking “I don’t want to be needy,
so I need to show no interest whatsoever.”
That, as you’ve probably figured out, is polar opposing insecurity
compensation and comes across as an extreme lack of confidence.
A combination of negative and positive body language is the
perfect vehicle for transmitting the Any time your body language and your verbal message that you
are interested language
aren’t sending the same message, but not needy.
Unfortunately, your body speaks a different you’re called incongruent.
language than you use verbally, and most people don’t know
how
to translate it even though it’s constantly being
spoken. If you’re involved in an
interaction with a woman, you won’t be able to verbally convince her that
you’re not attracted if you’re standing near her, smiling and staring, while
you say it! Whenever you try to convince
a girl that you’re not attracted to her and you're showing signs with your body
that you are, you become a victim of “incongruence.” Any NOTES
time your body language and your verbal language aren’t
sending the same message, you're called incongruent. This is a major red flag to women – one of
the biggest attraction killers,
period!
Demonstrating high value is the most effective way to
avoid this problem. To do so verbally, as I mentioned briefly
earlier, you must focus on having content-free
conversations. Anything that makes someone smile or gets a quick laugh is
an example of the kind of banter that
will increase your success with women.
For naturals, verbal banter is a subconsciously absorbed skill, learned from sources like
movie quotes and things said by friends and family. Look to society and the people around you for inspiration, then take
your favorite
quotes and sayings and make them your own.
When you bought this book, you were likely
automatically enrolled in a membership
program. The membership program has lots
and lots of helpful information for you, such as a list of some of the most successful banter lines
that have ever
been used professionally.
I’ve gathered them through years and years of researching and inventing
my own, but keep in mind that you’ll
ultimately want to create your own banter lines that will keep the conversation
light and fluffy. Here are a few tips for having lighthearted conversations:
Draw from movie quotes and situational influences. Don’t stray into negative territory – banter
is meant to be upbeat. Have a positive tongue, and balance it with negative
body language. The reason you want to
avoid negative conversation
topics is that later, when you’re in the rapport phase,
early negativity can cause you to build negative rapport with someone. Building negative rapport can create an enemy
or an undesirable situation in which someone constantly dumps their problems on you. Keep experimenting until you find a bantering
style that works best for you.
After you’ve demonstrated high value, you’re ready to
move on to the next stage, one that most men skip over
because they’re not even aware that it exists.
The guys that do manage to figure
it out end up being gods with women, while the ones who don’t end up stuck in
the same position for the rest of their
lives. This fundamental stage is called
qualifying. Qualifying has two meanings:
you can qualify yourself to someone, and
you can qualify someone to you.
Qualifying yourself to someone means that you’re trying to
sell yourself to them which, as you know, is something you should never do because it never works!
When you qualify someone else, you solicit in them
feelings of desire and the need to chase
you. Wouldn’t it be nice to
be able to sit back and relax while a girl chases after
you? To make that happen, you have to be
able to A) Qualify a woman who hasn’t
already qualified herself to you, and B) Recognize when a woman is naturally
qualifying herself to you. A lot of guys
that have studied under me hit a roadblock when they got to this stage because
they weren’t recognizing that women were already qualifying themselves to
them. They felt that women would never
chase them, that women were not interested, so they were blind to women trying
to qualify themselves. It’s just as
important to be able to recognize it
when it naturally happens as it is to be able to solicit it
if it doesn’t.
You can tell that a woman is
naturally qualifying herself to you When you qualify someone
else, you solicit when you’ve gotten past the stage in them feelings of desire
and the need to of demonstrating high value and she drops a non sequitur into
the chase you.
conversation that is supposed to be impressive in some
way. You don’t actually have to be
impressed by it, but you will recognize that it’s an impressive quality. She is trying to tell you something positive
about herself. Imagine you’re in the
midst of a content-free conversation with a girl. Everything you’ve been talking about is
silly, fun, and superficial, and all of a sudden she says “By the way, I
graduated from Princeton.” This is
clearly not in line with the rest of the conversation, because it has
content. By mentioning that she went to
Princeton, the girl is trying to communicate to you that she considers herself
intelligent. Her message is “If you
think that I’m intelligent, I’ll feel like I’ve earned your attraction.”
That brings us to another key point: women need to feel like
they’ve earned your attraction to them.
If you don’t give a woman that ability, that chance to chase you, she
won't be as interested in you. In fact,
most women will automatically feel as though you aren’t worth the chase if you
don’t allow them to qualify, and they will lose their attraction to you. But
what do you do if a woman isn’t playing the game? What do you do if she doesn’t automatically
sell herself to you after you’ve demonstrated high value? There are two likely reasons you might find
yourself in that situation. The first is
that you didn’t actually demonstrate high value, and the second is that she is afraid to put herself
out there. She feels that you might not
accept her if she does, and that’s not a
risk she’s willing to take. Now you're
going to have to lead her down the path of qualifying herself using a
couple of techniques that I’m going to
teach you.
The first technique is called the questions qualifier. The questions qualifier is a classic way to
qualify someone using a series of
questions – or, more specifically, a single question and its answers. This method allows a woman to qualify herself naturally in a very real
environment. The
most common example of that question (and you can use any
variation of it that you want) is “If you had to name your three most positive dominant qualities, what
would you say they are?”
The questions qualifier is extremely powerful because the
more you use it, the more you’ll start to see that most
people will give you specific kinds of answers.
Women will respond in the same
ways over and over again. Every once in
a while you’ll get something that’s totally outrageous, but usually you’ll get
the same 20 answers every time you ask.
These answers can be placed into three categories: sexual implication,
intelligent or logical implication, and emotional implication. A sexual answer might be “feisty” or
“adventurous,” a logical response could be “intelligent,” and emotional answers
could be “friendly,” “truthful,” or
“loyal.”
If a woman answers with all three of these categories, you
have a complete green light to move on to the next phase with her. That doesn’t mean that you’re done with all
the hard work, but it does mean that things are going well so far. If, on the other hand, the responses you get
all tend to fall within a specific
Getting emotional and logical responses but no sexual
answers is an indicator that you’re probably going to be relegated to the friend
zone as you move forward.
category, you are likely framing the woman in a certain way.
Receiving all sexual answers, for instance, means that you’re probably framing
her in a sexual way and, consequently, she feels very sexual around you. Getting emotional and logical responses but
no sexual answers is an indicator that you’re probably going to be relegated to
the friend zone as you move forward.
When you find yourself in that situation, repeat the stage of demonstrating
high value and continue to banter a bit more before you seriously qualify.
Keep in mind that you should be delivering the questions
qualifier right in the beginning of the interaction – it’s something that
should happen while you're at the peak of having a good time. Attraction builds very quickly, but it also
dies off very quickly, so it’s important that you time this properly.
In the long run, attraction is nothing more than curiosity.
There’s nothing magical about it. It’s
always just curiosity.
Understanding that attraction is curiosity allows you to
really put into perspective the kind of personality you need to have in order
to be attractive to women. Women need to
be curious about you; they need to want to know more. All you're doing in the
beginning of an interaction is building
that curiosity.
Women tend to be curious about a lot of very different
things than what most men are curious
about, and because we think
with our logical brain so often, we think that the obvious
way to attract a woman we’re interested in is to act like her.
If you’re acting like her, you can relate to her, right? The problem
with that way of thinking is that acting like her will make you seem effeminate, and that will
kill attraction. Stick to the tactics I’m teaching you now to prevent that issue.
One of the most interesting things about the questions
qualifier is that the answers given are always tailored to fit the person who’s asking. So if I asked you what your three most
positive dominant qualities were, you would think “Ok, well, what does this guy think that my
dominant qualities
would be?” and then you’d name three qualities that you
think I would respect about you.
It’s no different for women.
Whenever you use the questions qualifier, a woman will ask herself “What
would make this guy think that I’m attractive?
What would this guy think is a positive and dominant quality that I
have?” She’ll naturally begin selling
herself to you! When you get a response,
accept her for whatever qualities she gives you. If you don’t, she’ll assume that you just
don’t like her and she’ll move on. Even
something as simple as “Oh, that’s really awesome,” will NOTES work.
It’s also important to remember to deliver the questions
qualifier with a playful attitude. It’s
all right to shift gears a little bit –
there’s no reason to be as playful as you were when you were just bantering and
having a good time – but don’t turn the
conversation into an episode of Oprah.
Being
too heavy or too deep will be off-putting. If all of that
makes sense to you, you’re ready to move on to the second and much more advanced qualifying technique
called the selffulfilling prophecy qualifier. If you find that you need a
bit more explanation or a few examples,
log into the Members Only Area and learn more. To use the self-fulfilling
prophecy qualifier, you must name off a
quality, or several qualities,
that you want a woman to have. You might choose a quality that she has
somehow indicated to you already, or you might
choose to give her acceptance for a quality without asking her if she
actually has it. The way you go about
doing this can be a bit complex, but
I’ll explain it right now in a simple way that will allow you to try it the
next time you go out.
Let’s say that you’re sitting in a bar full of people and
you’re finally alone with a woman who’s
been spending most of the evening with her friends. She’s sitting with you in a quiet corner,
and you say “You know, I don’t know why I get this feeling about you – and
maybe it’s not true to you – but for some reason, I’m just getting this feeling
that you’re a completely open person.
Whenever I’m hanging out with you, I feel like I can try new stuff and
it won't be a big deal because you’re that kind of person too and that’s really
comforting to me. I
feel like a lot of people can't do that because they’re too afraid of opening
up. I don’t know if you know that you're
sending that feeling, but that’s what I’m getting, and I appreciate it.”
What you did by saying that was give her a quality
(openness) that you wanted her to have by telling her that you had a feeling
that she is an open person. She can’t
argue with you, because you stated clearly that it was just a feeling you had.
Who argues with feelings? If she tries,
just point that out –
“Well, it’s just a feeling I had. It may or may not be true.”
You might have noticed that during that statement I made a
lot of backdoors for myself. They’re
called backdoors because they are ways for me to get out of that conversation,
to escape it if I need to. A lot of them
were things like “You may think that it’s true or you may not,” or “I don’t
know why, but I just get this feeling.”
Phrases like that allow me to have a defense, just in case she
completely disagrees with me or doesn’t want to qualify herself.
After you’ve set the quality, don’t wait for a
reaction. Most men do this, and it’s a
mistake. Just keep talking. Follow up by telling her why you appreciate
that she has that quality. For instance:
“It really made me comfortable, and it’s cool to hang out with someone like
that.” Now that girl has been separated
from everyone else to
Phrases like that allow me to have a defense, just in case
she completely disagrees with me or doesn’t want to qualify herself.
you. She feels like
she’s special, and that she’s earned it, NOTES
even though you and I know that she actually didn’t have
that quality, or didn’t yet do anything that expressed it. All you have to do is present a quality to
her. If she agrees with it, she only has to shake her head yes to qualify
herself. That’s the beauty behind the
self-fulfilling prophecy qualifier.
As I said before, this method is a little bit more advanced,
but it works wonders.
You’ll see a lot of success with it and once you finish qualifying,
regardless of if it happened naturally
or if you had to solicit the qualification, then you can move onto the next
phase: rapport.
Most guys make the mistake of starting in the phase of
rapport. But you’re
not most guys, so I’m going to teach you how to move through this phase
properly! Rapport has four sub-stages: light rapport, wide rapport, deep
rapport, and release. Light rapport is
the stage in which you're searching for
potential emotional connections. That’s
it! If you haven't found any yet, you’re
just searching for potentials. This is
where most people live in their everyday lives.
The
following conversation is an example of light rapport that
never progresses to wide rapport:
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Oh, pretty good. How
are you?”
“Oh, good.”
“How was work?”
“Oh, it’s okay.”
“How’s your family?”
“Oh, they’re doing pretty well.”
“Okay, great.”
“Well, talk to you later.”
“Okay, bye.”
There’s a good chance you fell asleep just reading that
exchange. The point of a conversation like that, a conversation that lives
entirely in the realm of light rapport, is to recognize that someone is there
and to show them that you care about them a little bit because you’re willing
to give them some of the limited amount of time that makes up your day. If that’s your goal, that’s fine. But
conversations like that do not build attraction in women.
The useful aspect of light rapport is that asking questions
during this stage allows you to gather information from someone. You can then use that knowledge to figure out
how to connect with them on a deeper level.
The ultimate goal of communication is to build rapport, which can be
defined as a direct emotional transfer from one person to another. In order to
effectively transfer emotion, you must move on to the second stage: wide
rapport.
Wide rapport is the stage in which you find potential
emotional connection points with someone.
As soon as a woman answers a question, you have found one. One way I like to do this is by asking the
question “What did you do today before you came here?” Simple, right? The woman will then start listing off the
things she did. Every single one is a
potential deep rapport topic, so pay attention!
There are different types of deep rapport topics, but unfortunately we
don’t have time to go into that in this book, so log in to the Members Only
Area to learn more about it. It’s a
complex but fascinating topic.
After you’ve gathered information from a woman during the
wide
rapport stage and found a potential ...every time you repeat
this pattern, you emotional connection, you’re ready to use that knowledge to
actually build a stronger bond.
make the connection.
That’s going to happen in deep rapport, the third stage of the phase of
rapport. Deep rapport can be a bit
unnerving for some, because it requires everyone involved in the interaction to
become vulnerable, but it’s an essential step if you want to create love. We’ll talk about that in depth in another
chapter, so for now let’s just move on to the fourth and final stage:
release.
During release, you must stop talking about the rapport
topic you discovered and forget about the connection you just made. I know it seems a little counterintuitive –
why work so hard for something and then abandon it? After deep rapport, you bounce back to either
light rapport or wide rapport and begin the process again because every time
you repeat this pattern, you build a stronger bond. The stronger the bond is, the stronger the
love is that you create. When you meet a woman that you’re really interested in
and you want to ensure that the relationship you create is meaningful, make
sure you build rapport. Forming a strong
connection during this phase will keep her from avoiding your phone calls,
moving on to the next guy, or cheating.
It’s the ultimate emotional investment in a relationship.
And now you’ve made it to everybody’s favorite phase:
seduction. There’s a lot of information
out there on this topic, but it’s not nearly as magical as a lot of guys seem
to think it is. Seduction is nothing
more than an overload of your emotional brain and a deficit or a weakness in
your logical brain. Your emotional brain
and logical brain don’t typically work together. Instead, they’re almost always fighting over
control of the brain’s resources. When
your emotional brain is in control, you make emotional decisions. When your logical brain is in control, you
make logical decisions and are less likely to be distracted by emotions. You also find it much harder to feel an
emotional response.
At work, then, it is desirable for your logical brain to be
heightened
and the influence of your emotional ...but if you fail to
build rapport or try to brain to be faint.
All that seduction is, in contrast, is a situation in which skip the
phase altogether, a woman will A) A woman’s emotional brain is give you very
strong resistance.
strong and logical brain is weak, and B) Some form of sexual
attraction is added to that formula.
Seduction = Sex + Emotional Response.
There are plenty of resources about how to make this process
happen – you’ll find a lot of information in the Members Only Area – so I’m not
going to go over everything in painstaking detail here. I do, however, want you to watch out for one
very common thing called a “red zone response.”
A red zone response occurs whenever a woman’s (or anyone
else’s) logical brain becomes so weakened, and her emotional brain becomes so
strengthened, that her logical brain reacts with the red zone trigger. The red zone trigger is a response in your
logical brain that stops you from making purely emotionally-based
decisions. Women have very strong red
zones, and in men it’s usually even stronger.
If it wasn’t for the red zone, many people would make terrible
decisions.
Your goal is not to find a way to get around the red zone;
your goal is to find a way to keep the red zone from happening. The more
emotional trust you build, i.e. the more rapport you build, the smaller this
red zone gets and the more a woman’s brain will allow the emotional part to
take over. As she bonds with you further, she’ll begin to feel more and more
able to trust you with her emotions. If
that’s the case, you will have minimal red zone response, but if you fail to
build rapport or try to skip the phase altogether, a woman will give you very
strong resistance.
You’ve made it to the final In
a relationship, communication is the
phase of the map of interaction: presentation of your level of power, your
relationship balance.
A
relationship balance is the idea level of compliance, your
level of value that four major factors intertwine
to form a comfortable, sustainable outside the relationship,
and your level of equilibrium in our relationships. neediness within the
relationship.
Those four components are: power or leadership, compliance,
value, and neediness.
Power, quite simply, is leadership within the relationship.
If you want to make most of the decisions that have to do with your
relationship, you are the one who has most of the power. Compliance is where your priorities are. Do you place your partner’s priorities above
your own, or your priorities above hers?
Value is your worth, or how much people need you outside of your
relationship. And neediness is your
investment in the relationship, how much you've invested into the person that
you’re dating.
An important thing to keep in mind about the four different
aspects of a relationship is that compliance is usually an indicator that
there’s a change in power, and neediness is usually an indicator that there's a
change in value. So, for example, if you
get a promotion at work, you’ll probably find that your value goes up outside
of the relationship. At the same time,
you might notice that her neediness suddenly increases or decreases. The change may seem like it comes out of
nowhere, but it’s actually a natural response to the increase of your
value. Additionally, if you do something
positive such as make a good decision for the couple, you might see compliance
increase or decrease. She may start to
do more things for you. She may start to
do fewer things for you. Ultimately, it
doesn’t really matter where your power or compliance value lays on the scale –
all that really matters is that you are both aware of each other’s place on
this scale at all times.
This is where communication comes in. In a relationship,
communication is the presentation of your level of power, your level of
compliance, your level of value outside the relationship, and your level of
neediness within the relationship. Any
time you have a problem, you may begin to address it in a way does not actually
solve anything if you don’t maintain a balance between these four areas. Even very good relationships will fall apart
if that occurs.
Let’s talk about how to use the map of interaction, now that
you understand what it’s composed of. I
know I said before that you should use it as a reference whenever you find
yourself needing direction, but at the same time, you don’t want to have to
think about it constantly while you’re out. The ultimate goal, as I mentioned
briefly at the beginning of this chapter, is to be able to “see the
matrix.” Seeing the matrix is about
being able to see what phase you're in while you're in it, and the ability to
know how to continue to the phase that follows.
That brings up a very critical question: “What is the most
important phase?”
A lot of people consider attraction to be very important
because they think that it’s what leads to rapport in their interactions. Rapport is also a crucial phase, because it’s
what leads to connection and love. You
can argue that seduction vital because it’s what creates the passion in a
relationship, or that the relationship balance is most important because it
allows your bond with someone to have longevity.
The honest answer happens to be simplest: the most important
phase is the phase that you're in. Regardless of what stage is next or what
stage came before, the stage you're in at any given moment is the most
important, because everything can be won or lost during it. That’s why it’s so essential for you to be
able to recognize what stage you’re in. If you can’t figure out what stage
you're in, you won't know how to move on to the next one, and if you don’t know
how to move on to the next one, you won't know how to escalate the conversation
and move the interaction forwards. Once NOTES
you learn how to navigate the map of interaction, nothing
will be “lucky” anymore. Everything that
occurs will be by your design; you’ll have complete control over your interactions.
Another question that I commonly get is “How do you know how
to act in each of these phases?” Well,
the way to easily know how to act in the
map of interaction is by thinking of
each phase as a different facet of your personality. During the phase of attraction, which should
be your default stage unless you’re in a
business situation or something else that requires a different attitude, you
should have the mindset of a boy. You should be having fun and being playful,
and avoiding anything serious or controversial.
During the phase of rapport, you
should focus on being a friend and nothing
else, because that’s when you build the emotional comfort
and emotional attraction that is necessary to continue a relationship.
In the phase of seduction, you are a man. You must shed all your boy-like playfulness
and replace it with a new sense of
sexual playfulness.
With practice, you will learn to become the appropriate
parts of your personality in the corresponding stages. You can’t
be a man during attraction. You
can’t be a little boy during rapport.
You can’t be a friend during seduction.
When you start to confuse this, you create incongruence between what
you're doing, and how you're acting and what you're saying.
To help keep you on track, let’s go through the map of
interaction again. This time, I’ll give
you some signals that you can use to recognize what stage you’re in.
The first stage in attraction is introduction, as I said
before. You should always assume that everyone already has an idea about who
you are in their heads. You’ve already
“introduced yourself” to a woman before you’ve started an interaction with her,
so you want to make sure that you're always naturally acting in a dominant,
attractive way. This applies to talking
to dudes as well, because women are always watching you, even while you’re
talking to your friends, and you don’t want to miss an opportunity to create
attraction.
During the second stage of attraction, demonstrating high
value, be on the lookout for a woman’s positive body language. It’s a good sign if she faces you with her
body, especially with her feet, knees, and shoulders. It’s also positive if she smiles, restarts a
conversation when it starts to die out, or touches you constantly and returns
touches that you initiate. Seeing a
group of these indicators is a sign that you’re demonstrating high value
properly.
Again, though, these are just indicators that she’s
attracted and attraction is just curiosity, so displaying some of these signals
doesn’t mean she’s going to be going home with you that
night. Her attraction
might just be You’ll know that you’re in wide rapport an interest in knowing
more about because several specific topics will be you. Knowing how to navigate these situations
correctly is why discussed.
it is important to understand the map of interaction.
When you are qualifying a woman, she’s going to try her
hardest to impress you, most likely through verbal conversation.
Recognizing that is easy – listen for the appearance of a
non sequitur in the conversation that has some kind of positive component to
it. Notice when she is trying to impress
you. It isn’t difficult if you know what to look for.
During light rapport, the first stage of the phase of
rapport, having inquisitive content in your conversation is a positive
sign. You're asking each other to open
up at this point. It’s your job to open
up first to make her comfortable with the idea of being open with you, so it’s
essential to be able to recognize when you're in this stage.
You'll know that you're in wide rapport because several
specific topics will be discussed. She
might name a list of things, or you’ll go over a few different topics without
making the deep rapport connection. As
soon as you recognize that you have a point that you think you can go into deep
rapport on, you know you’re currently in wide rapport.
Physical responses are the best indicators of deep rapport.
During this stage, a woman will lean towards you and maintain solid eye
contact. It will seem like everything
around you fades away and what is called an “Us” or “We” bubble will be
created. You’ll also notice a certain
“eye accessing cue:” she’ll constantly look at you, and then look down to the ground
or down at an angle.
In the final stage of rapport, release, you have to snap
yourself and the woman you’re talking to out of the emotional state you’ve
developed. A signal that this has
happened successfully is that one of the two of you will sit back. It’s a physical reset that mirrors the mental
reset you’re both undergoing.
That brings you to the stage of seduction. During seduction, a woman will excessively
look downwards. You’ll notice dilated
pupils and heavy breathing. She might
also all-tofrequent trips to the bathroom.
If a woman is experiencing a red zone response, she’ll often attempt to
do what’s called “breaking state,” or simply put, snap herself out of the
seductive state you’ve put her in. If she disappears to the bathroom often
during the stage of seduction (and if it’s any other stage then something else
might be going on...) then she’s probably trying to break state. She’s doing
this because you haven’t built enough rapport.
A woman will be very responsive to sensual conversation
during seduction as well. Any conversation
topics that have to do with feeling something physically – touching something,
seeing something, smelling something, hearing something, tasting something –
will produce a strong response.
The way you know that you're in the relationship balance phase
is that a woman will stop administering congruence
tests, or will administer them less frequently. You will have proven that your confidence is
not faked and you will have built substantial deep rapport with her, so they
are no longer necessary. She will have
accepted you completely.
So there you have it!
The complete system. Give
yourself a pat on the back for making it this far. The remainder of this book is dedicated to
helping you use this system to control attraction, rapport, seduction and relationship
balance.
Excited? Good. Let’s continue on….
If you don’t know the system for understanding what stage
you’re in or knowing how to move forward, then it can seem impossible. In this chapter, I’m going to address that
issue directly and make sure that you know everything you need to know about
approaching. We won’t just talk about
what to do when you get there and what to say and how to go about it – we’ll
also discuss how to get rid of the debilitating fear known as approach anxiety.
Men who are playing the male gender role have what’s called
an approach mechanism. An approach
mechanism is the natural drive that makes you want to talk to a woman you’re
attracted to. If a man has a strong and
well-developed approach mechanism, he is considered confident, and will
approach women immediately and attract a greater number of them.
Women – unless they’re playing the male gender role – don’t
have an approach mechanism. Instead,
they have something
known as a filtering mechanism. If a woman doesn’t have a very powerful
filtering mechanism, she will not attract the kind of men that are good for
her.
So what happens if a man has a poor approach mechanism? A
man with a poor approach mechanism is considered
weaker or more submissive than men with stronger approach
mechanisms. If a woman has a weak
filtering mechanism, she will find that she attracts the same kind of bad
relationship over and over and over again.
The difference between these two mechanisms explains why men are
considered more valuable amongst their peers if they sleep with lots of women,
and women are considered less valuable amongst
their peers if they sleep with lots of men.
Not sleeping with lot of women means that a man has a poor
approach mechanism; it means that he is unable to attract women or approach
women properly. Failure in these regards
will affect a man both socially and romantically. For a women, though, sleeping with lots of
men means that she has a bad filtering mechanism. This is also likely to affect her both
socially and romantically.
Each of these weaknesses leads to disaster. If you have a
weak approach mechanism, you’ll never meet the kind of women
that you want to meet, and you’ll never get the kind of experience that you
need to have in order to truly attract the women that you want to attract. Women that have weak filtering mechanisms
will never be able to filter out the men that aren’t right for them and they’ll
never be able to attract the kind of men that will be able to make them happy
and offer them value.
The condition of having a weak approach mechanism, as I
mentioned earlier, is called approach anxiety.
It is an overwhelming, gripping fear that you will be rejected if you
approach a woman that usually appears just before you’re about to talk to
her. Some women have a condition called
filter failure, but we’re not really concerned about that in this book.
Symptoms of approach anxiety
include extreme nervousness, a The condition of having a
weak approach complete lack of concentration, and mechanism, as I mentioned
earlier, is called an emotional overload.
You’ll also begin an excuse process creation, approach anxiety.
which means that you’re going to begin inventing countless
excuses for why you shouldn't or can’t approach a woman, and your emotional and
logical brains will start fighting each other. The problem, as you know, is
that you can’t make decisions from an emotional state of mind.
To compensate, your emotional brain will start to mimic your
logical brain to make you feel balanced and in control of the situation. It will feed you reasons for not approaching
a woman that won’t make any logical sense whatsoever, but will sound sensible
enough, under the circumstances, that your logical brain believes them.
I’ve heard thousands of these excuses, and not one of them
is good. “I can't approach her. It’s too cold in here.” “There
are too many people in this place.”
“I haven’t had enough
to drink.” “I can’t
approach her because she only hangs out with tall guys.” “She’s too pretty.” Whatever it is, the only truth involved in the excuse processes
is that they will prevent you from approaching and will cause you to waste valuable opportunities.
The reason your body reacts in this way, disadvantageous
though it may seem, is called a self-preservation mechanism. The self-preservation mechanism is a
technique that all humans’ bodies use to help them survive (which is why
it’s also sometimes referred to as a
survival mechanism). It keeps you out of
situations that could potentially be threatening to your well-being or your belief system by
giving you reasons
why you should not enter the situations in the first place.
So what do you do when this happens? How do you override your body’s natural processes to get rid of
approach anxiety? Well, there’s only one way to get rid of it for good: keep
working on it constantly. If you don’t
continuously practice defeating it, your approach anxiety will come back.
Think of your social skills like a muscle. Your social muscle is just like any other
muscle in your body – if you work it out, it gets stronger, and if you don't,
it gets weaker. If you haven't worked
out in a long time and you suddenly decide to NOTES
exercise, the muscle gets sore and you get tired. Similarly, if you don’t approach people for a
long period of time and then abruptly try to, you’ll feel an extreme amount of
backlash from your social muscle. It will be so sore that you’ll feel like you
can't move forward.
That soreness manifests itself as emotional pain, making
rejection seem to hurt more than it normally does. I know it doesn’t feel particularly good, but
it’s a normal and natural
occurrence. Frame it in a positive
light: it means that you’re actually exercising your social muscle and taking steps towards getting over approach anxiety,
which is a good thing!
The tiredness that comes from exercising your social
muscle appears in the form of actual
physical fatigue. After talking to many
people, communicating a lot, and being very social, you will be exhausted. You wouldn’t expect to walk into a gym after
not working out for three years and bench press
350 pounds, would you? To reach
that goal, you’d have to
work out a little bit every day and slowly increase the
weights you use until you’re able to lift the desired amount. Your
social muscle is no different. If
you start socializing after not being social for a long period of time, you
won’t be able to lift the social weight that you used to. In the beginning, don’t expect to approach
the hottest girl in the bar entirely without fear and be successful with
her. It’s not going to happen like
that. It’ll be intimidating at first,
but once you create a belief system around your social personality, your
abilities to be social will start to change.
Remember when we talked about how your body language is
controlled by your emotions and your emotions are controlled by your body
language? The emotions that you
experience while approaching a beautiful woman are anxiety, nervousness, and
fear, right? Those feelings occur
because there is a belief system controlling them that’s telling you
It’ll be intimidating at first, but once you create a belief
system around your social personality, your abilities to be social will start
to change.
that you’re not really the kind of guy who approaches women
she’s interested in; you’re the kind of guy who is introverted and keeps to
himself.
That belief system controls your emotions, so you have an
emotional response whenever you act outside of it that tries to alert you to
the fact that you’re about to act contrary to your beliefs. Those kinds of emotional responses might not
be productive if you’re trying to approach a woman, but they are useful in
other environments. If you believe that
you might get hit by a car if you cross the street without looking, for
instance, you will have an emotional response every time you start to walk across
a street without first checking for oncoming traffic. That’s all approach anxiety is. It’s just a response that lets you know that
you're acting outside of your belief system.
All you have to do to get rid of your approach anxiety once
and for all is change that belief system.
You must know, deep down and without any doubts, that you are the kind
of guy who approaches everyone he’s curious about. When you NOTES become that kind of man and
you approach a woman who asks “Why are you talking to me?” you won’t view her
question as a strong form of rejection as you once would have. Instead,
you’ll see it as a perfectly legitimate question and you’ll respond with
a perfectly legitimate answer: “Well, I always
do this. I always talk to people
that I’m curious about.” That simple answer will get you past a barrier that
most guys get stuck on.
But how do you do that?
How do you become that kind of man?
How do you create a new belief system?
To create a new belief system, you have to kill your
hesitation. In order
to kill your hesitation, you have to go through the belief creation process...
Remember it from an earlier
chapter? The first stage is
challenging, then acceptance. You have
to tell yourself “This is who I am”
until your mind accepts that it’s the truth. One way to do this is to use
affirmations. Affirmation is the concept
that if you continuously say something
positive about yourself,
it will eventually become true. Tell yourself “I approach everyone that I’m
curious about. That’s just who I
am.”
Once you’ve accepted that thought process, you must proclaim
your new belief by telling other people how you feel. Start out by saying it to friends and then
move on to strangers, and keep practicing until you are comfortable saying it
to anyone. After you’ve completed the
second stage, you’re ready to test and receive feedback.
Test this out until it doesn’t work. As soon as it doesn’t,
take all of the information you gained from doing it wrong NOTES
and alter it until it’s perfect. Everyone is a potential source of feedback
because each person you approach will have a different reaction. Experimenting with a wide variety of people will teach you how to remain secure in
your new belief system in any circumstances.
The final stage is submission. Submit your new beliefs to
your brain and use them to replace your old, faulty beliefs.
Follow these steps, and you will vanquish approach anxiety. Keep in mind that you will constantly receive
feedback from external sources long after you’ve integrated your new
beliefs into your self-concept, so you
will need to make sure that your environment is always in line with your belief
system. If your environment ever states
something that is contrary to
it – that you’re not the kind of guy who always approaches people
he is curious about – you must go back and force yourself to approach until you have the kind
of results that will reinforce your beliefs.
There are two kinds of reinforcement: external reinforcement
and internal reinforcement.
External reinforcement is the feedback that you read from other people,
and internal reinforcement is the
earlier stage of the process we’ve been discussing, “acceptance,” during which
you hold tightly to your beliefs regardless of whether other people believe
them as well. You must have both forms
of reinforcement; it is not healthy to have only one. If you only accept the feedback of other
people and don’t consider your own opinions and beliefs valid, you will
constantly seek other people’s approval.
If, on the other hand, you rely only on your own approval and
you don't have anyone else's, you will always be in denial
and you won't be able to connect with the people you interact with. If you find that you have too much of one
form of reinforcement and too little of the other, you need to recalibrate
everything in order to balance them and then go back to the belief system.
I’ve heard a lot of men say “But I’m an introvert. I’m not the kind of guy who goes around and
talks to everybody all the time just out of curiosity.” If that excuse sounds familiar, I have an
important message for you! A man named
Wyatt Woodsmall taught me this concept.
Wyatt Woodsmall was the mentor of Tony Robbins, a very famous
neurolinguistic
programming and motivational speaker you might have heard
of
who has had wild success from his In order to improve
yourself, you have to programs. Wyatt Woodsmall
once become not you. told me that in order to improve yourself, you have to
become not you. You can’t say “Oh well,
that’s not me. I wouldn’t do that. I’m just not that kind of guy.” You can’t
have limiting beliefs like that because if you do, you won't improve.
To become a truly valuable person, you have to become not
you. As long as you are open to becoming
not you, you will constantly improve until you evolve into the best version of
yourself, which is the ultimate goal anyway.
The initial impulse you experience that motivates you to
approach a woman is blocked by fear in approximately one to two seconds. If you approach before this happens, you will
hack your brain and bypass that hesitation factor. If you don’t act within that timeframe, your
brain’s excuse processes will begin functioning. The time it takes for your emotional brain to
make up an excuse and send it to your logical brain for approval is about one
to two seconds, occasionally three seconds, so approach as soon as you possibly
can. You should always be the winner in
a race that pits you against your brain.
You will also need to go through the process of
desensitizing yourself to rejection. The
only difference between guys who are successful with women and guys who are not
successful with women is that the guys who are successful aren’t as bothered by
rejection as the guys who are less successful.
A man who is a badass with women might approach a hundred women and get
rejected by fifty of them. A guy who is
not as good with women may approach five and get rejected by two or three. The problem here is that the guy who is not
successful with women has only two or three positive interactions, while the
guy who is successful with women has fifty positive interactions. Even if you view this as strictly a numbers
game, a man who is sensitive to rejection will not meet the woman of his dreams
nearly as quickly as a man who’s not as affected by it, so do whatever it takes
to conquer your fear of rejection.
One way to rid yourself of this devastating fear is to have
clear intentions. What do you want to
get out of your interaction with a woman, and why are you approaching in the
first place? For now, your answer should be that you’re approaching to test
your skills and find out what doesn’t work so that you can improve your ability
to attract women. That’s it. You’re not approaching to get some kind of a
positive reaction. One of the biggest
differences I’ve noticed between the guys who learn very quickly under my
teaching and the guys who take forever to learn is that the guys who learn
quickly are approaching with the intention of improving and searching for
things that don’t work. Their main goal
is to learn a skill set, nothing else!
They’re not trying to build attraction or trying to get a girl in
bed. Guys who are trying to attain a
specific outcome end up screwing it up royally because they become what’s
called outcome dependent.
Outcome dependency kills attraction. A man who is too outcome-focused approaches a
woman solely to prove that he is able to make his desired outcome happen, not
out of any real interest in her. That’s
a very selfish attitude and will end up working against him.
Don’t be that guy.
Keep approaching with the intention of finding out what doesn’t work
until you actually have to make an effort to screw something up! Learning how
to approach women is a lot
When you get to the point that you have to actively try to
screw up an like pushing that car.
interaction with a woman, you can forget everything you’ve
learned
about approaching and just do it naturally. All that will be necessary after that is to
keep exercising your social muscle so that it never weakens.
Remember the car we talked about all the way back in the NOTES
introduction?
Learning how to approach women is a lot like pushing that car. In the beginning, it will be difficult. The few steps are always the hardest and you
might be tempted to give up. But once
you get the car going, it will continue to move forward by virtue of its own
momentum.
Now you have two options.
If the car is coasting with minimal effort on your part and you stop
pushing it, it will eventually roll to a stop.
Likewise, if you allow yourself to relax and think “I’ve finished my work. I’ve done everything I needed to do to create
the ability to approach women successfully,”
your progress will stagnate. When
you stop pushing, your car comes to a halt and when you stop learning, you have
to put in a lot of effort to build your
social muscle up again.
So choose the second option.
Make sure you are constantly working on your skills, and that you do
everything necessary to maintain them
once they are perfected. There will be
more about this in the Members Only Area, so check it out!
Women pride themselves on their abilities to seek out
certain types of men and examine them to see if they are truly confident. This, as you may recall, is called a
filtering mechanism. A lot of men have
learned how to lie about their confidence level, but women have developed
countless tests that determine whether a man possesses real confidence or is
faking it to hide weakness and insecurity.
A woman filters for a reason. She has to learn how to see beyond a man’s
talent for appearing more confident than he really is, or she will always
attract men that she will be disappointed with.
These tests appear during the phase of attraction because women use them
to decide if they should be attracted to you.
That means that if you’re paying attention and reading the
situation correctly, the appearance of a test in an interaction is an indicator
that a woman is interested in you. If
you’re blindsided by a test and a woman sees that she caught you by surprise,
she will know that you aren’t used to women testing you. If you aren’t used to women testing you, you
aren’t used to attracting women, and if you aren’t used to attracting women,
you are not worth her time. This is why
it’s very important to learn how to figure out when a test is coming and how to
handle the test when it arrives.
Before you start thinking that all women are cruel for
testing men in this way, consider this: they’re not doing it consciously. It’s
simply an effective method for their subconscious minds to separate the men who
have potential from the men who do not.
Some guys have no idea that this is the case, but since you are a man
who is interested in constantly improving, you need to know how to recognize
these tests so that you appear
more confident and are able to look deeper into the
reactions
you get from women.
There have ...if she says ‘Buy me a car,’ you won’t run been countless
women that have
tested me several times in the out and say ‘Which kind?’
first moments of our interaction. If I hadn’t learned the
things I’m teaching you now, I wouldn’t have passed those tests and I wouldn’t
have the wonderful success with women that I have today.
There are two types of tests that you must learn to
recognize: compliance tests and congruence tests. Compliance tests typically come in the form
of asking you to do something. A woman
uses these to see if you are going to let her get away with anything she
wants. If you're really a high-value
man, then your tolerance for compliance will be very low and you won't do
everything she tells you to do. For
example, if she says “Buy me a car,” you won't run out and say “Which kind?” If
she says “Buy me a drink,” you won't ask “What would you NOTES
like?” And if she
says “Just stay right here and wait for me,” you won’t stand rooted to the
spot, afraid to move because it might upset her.
If you’re too compliant, especially early on, a woman will
know that you’re not actually confident and will lose her attraction to you. But if you’re not compliant whatsoever,
it could show that you’re not interested, so you have to
find the perfect balance.
For now, don’t worry about showing a woman that you’re not
interested in her, because that’s not a test.
Just worry about reacting
properly to compliance tests. You can
usually
recognize these tests because the woman you’re talking to
will ask you to do something, or tell you to do something, that you either A) Don’t want to do or B)
Don’t have to do. If she’s sitting right next to her drink and asks you to hand
it to her, and you do it, then you’ve
failed a compliance test. That doesn’t mean that you have to refuse if she asks
you to hand her drink to her when she’s
actually sitting far away,
so it’s important that you are able recognize the difference
between compliance tests and legitimate requests.
It doesn’t take much to figure it out. Just take a moment to ask yourself “Does it
make logical sense for me to do this?” and don’t try to make excuses for
failing a test like “I’ll be a dick if I don’t do it.” It’s better that you’re a dick in this
situation than a wimp. Women are willing
to forgive you for being a little bit aggressive because you are man and you
are fulfilling the male gender role.
They are not, however, willing to forgive you for being a complete
wuss!
The second kind of test is called a congruence test. Women use these tests to see if you are
actually as confident as you seem to be, usually by insulting you in some
way. Whether or not you fail a
congruence test is based on your reaction to the test. If a woman verbally insults you (by teasing
you, for example) or does so through an action like turning her back, you will
pass the test if you don’t react to it.
Not responding shows a woman that you’re used to women trying to test
you to see if you’re confident.
Both tests are signs that a woman is attracted to you, so as
soon as you notice that they are appearing in a conversation, you know that
you’re doing the right thing so far.
Just don’t react in a way that’s going to ruin your chances! Passing a compliance test is simple – don’t
comply! Let’s say that a woman says
“Wait right here while I go to the bathroom! I’ll be right back!” What do you do? If you don’t wait right there, it seems like
you’re being a jerk, but if you do wait right there you’re complying.
There are several ways to get out of that situation while
still holding dominance. Option one is
to add your own terms to the agreement.
If she says “Wait right here while I go to the bathroom,” tell her
“Actually I’m going to the bar. I’ll probably be right over there.” Now you’ve added your own terms and sent the
message that you’ll do whatever you want to do, but that you are still
interested in her. Another option is to
add logical questioning to the conversation. Logical questioning means asking
“Why do I have to stand here, why can’t I go over there?” It isn’t the best technique, but if nothing
else works then it’s an acceptable approach to take. If she has a very logical reason for why you
should wait there, such as “My purse is here and I’m afraid someone will steal
it if I leave it,” then it’s ok to do what she asks you to do. Otherwise, return to option one and add your
own terms again.
A third option is something called trading compliance. Trading compliance means giving her a little
bit of compliance in addition to the compliance she tries to give you. Tell her “Okay, I will wait here, but only if
you do a little dance for me.” Or “Only
if you give me a little kiss on the cheek.”
When
you take this approach a woman has to earn compliance from
you, so her test doesn’t have the same effect. Okay, I will wait here, but only
if you do a She’s no longer telling you what to little dance for me.
do – you’re doing something for her as a reward for
something she did for you.
The best thing to do when you’re faced with a compliance
test is to convince a woman to comply before she asks you to comply. A great example of this is asking her to buy
you a drink. Women are very accustomed
to asking men for drinks, but they’re definitely not used to things happening
the other way around, so it’s a very effective way to “flip the script.” When
she says “Are you buying me a drink or what?” answer with “I was just about to
ask you the same thing.” She’ll be
caught completely off guard.
Congruence tests can also be beaten in several different
ways. The simplest tactic is just to
ignore any insult a woman throws at you.
Don’t hesitate – even for a second – or she’ll know that she has had an
effect on you. Act like the insult never
happened and treat her exactly as you did beforehand.
Another thing you can do is banter, like we discussed in the
demonstrating high value stage, while displaying negative body language. Common ways to do this are to say “Oh, you’re
trouble, get out of here!” or “Stop flirting with me,
get out of here!” followed by turning away for a short
moment
while you’re smiling.
If you do Look, I’ve just met you, don’t talk about this during a test
to see if you are confident, you give her an hitting on me.
opportunity to escape, to take the insult back and not worry
about it.
The final technique for passing a congruence test is called
misinterpretation. Misinterpretation
means that any time a woman tests you for congruence, you “accidentally”
misinterpret it as an intense sexual come on.
If she says “Where’d you get those stupid shoes?” or “Do you always come
over and hit on girls at bars?” she’s giving you a congruence test. She wants to rattle you a bit. Respond with “Look, I’ve just met you, don’t
talk about hitting on me. (playfully)”
She’ll end up being the surprised one, and you will successfully bypass
her testing.
Now that you know how to pass a test, you need to know how
to recognize if you’ve failed one. If
you ever catch yourself thinking “Okay, sure, I guess I’ll do that” when faced
with a NOTES
compliance test, you’ve just failed. And if you think “Why would she say something
so stupid or mean to me?” then you’ve failed your congruence test too. You will receive these tests from 100% of the attractive women
you meet, so practice these methods of defeating them! Understanding
the real reasons women test men in these ways and knowing how to react
to the tests appropriately will prevent you from killing attraction.
If you want to read body language like a pro, you’re going
to have to understand the why, what, and how of body language: why body
language is so important, what you’re actually reading when you study body
language, and how to do it.
Being able to read body language is one of the most crucial
aspects of a successful interaction. I
have studied the subject extensively, and it’s given me the ability to speak
another language. Before I gathered all
of this knowledge, it felt like I was traveling through a country where I
couldn’t communicate with people because I didn’t understand their language,
but now I have a way of speaking to anyone, regardless of what country they’re
from or what languages they speak verbally.
The only thing that differentiates body language from spoken languages
is this: everyone can speak it, but almost no one can read it. We are always
saying something with our body language whether we are aware of it or not. If
you can read body language, you’ll be able to get information from people that
they’re not aware they’re sharing.
Sometimes you can even know people better than they know themselves.
So let's start at the beginning (a very good place to start,
so I’ve been told). What is the point of
reading body language? Communication is roughly 60% body
As I stated before, the purpose
of talking in the first place is to language, 20% verbal
language, and 20% transfer emotion, not to transfer information. Communication your vocal tonality when you
speak.
through body language is exactly the same.
Communication is roughly 60% body language, 20% verbal
language, and 20% your vocal tonality when you speak. That means that it’s not what you say that
really matters – it’s how you say it.
When you are trying to transmit a message to someone via body language,
the emotional transfer that occurs should have an effect on their body
language. If you notice that their body
language is not sending the signals that you intended, then yours wasn’t right
to begin with. You might think you’re
saying one thing, but people are reading another. You have to take full responsibility for the
messages your body sends, because you can have a remarkable amount of control
over them if you study the way body language works.
When you’re talking to someone, your job as speaker doesn’t
end when the words leave your mouth; your job ends when the message enters
their brain. Don’t ever tell me that you
feel you’ve accomplished your goal of presenting yourself in a certain way, because
what really matters is the way others perceive you. The people around you might not view NOTES
you in the same manner as you view yourself, even if you
think you’ve successfully transferred the desired image. If someone reads a message incorrectly, you
are to blame for the error, not them.
Let’s talk about this in terms of attraction. The whole point of attraction is to know that someone feels
attracted to
you – the point is not to feel like you’re being attractive
all the time. While that is important,
the end goal of attraction isn’t reached
until a woman you are interested in is attracted to you. The reason you need to use body language to build attraction is that body
language creates attraction subconsciously.
Subconscious attraction bypasses
your logical brain and goes straight to the emotional half. If
you make her feel like she is attracted she will believe she
is attracted.
Humans begin to learn how to read body language when they
are children. We haven’t developed
strong conscious minds at that age, so
most of the things that we learn mature inside
our subconscious minds.
The subconscious mind is home to your emotional brain, which is why body
language is sent there rather than to
the logical brain. This means that when
you’re speaking to a woman using body language, you can evoke emotions in
her. That is a far more powerful ability
than evoking a logical response because attraction is based on emotions.
Humans are experts when it comes to reading body language,
so it’s always better that the messages your body sends are honest about your
feelings. If they are not – if your body
says one thing while your mouth says another – you will seem incongruent.
There are two schools of thought that discuss the interplay
between the body and emotions, both of which come out of the study of
neurolinguistic programming. I happen to
believe that both of them are true.
According to the first, your body is influenced by your emotions. If you are in control of your mind, or
someone else’s mind, the body will respond in ways that are consistent with the
emotions it is presented with. When you are in a negative mood, for example,
you will have a tendency to stare at the ground, avoid eye contact, and
slouch.
The second school of thought believes the opposite: if you
lead the body, the mind will follow. Knowing how to control your own body That
means that if you control language is an invaluable skill.
someone’s body in a certain way, their mind will adapt to
fit it. In this case, if you’re in that
same bad mood, consciously holding your shoulders in better posture, lifting
your eyes off the ground, and making eye contact with people will make you feel
better.
Knowing how to control your own body language is an
invaluable skill. If you use dominant
body language, you will feel more dominant.
If you use submissive body language, you will feel more submissive. Because your emotional and logical brains
don’t work well together, you can control your body during times when you are
too emotional to control NOTES
your mind and, conversely, you can usually control your mind
if you find that you can’t control your body.
You must learn to manage both independently of each other so that
when one goes haywire, you can use the
other to prevent yourself from screwing up social situations.
Body language can be daunting, because it’s such a big topic
and seems like an ambiguous concept, so I’m going to break
it down into two easy categories for you.
If you understand how to read
both of these categories, you will effectively be able to read someone’s
mind. You will know how they feel and why they feel that way even though they
may not know that themselves.
The first category is context – the context in which a
message is given. The second category is
content – what the message actually is. Here’s an example: if someone gives you
a negative reaction every time you say a
specific word, you know that the word is what’s causing the negative reaction. The negative reaction being the content and
the timing of
the reaction being the context. That knowledge tells you
that they may have an insecurity or some sort of negative association with that word.
You can also use content to determine whether a person is
submissive or dominant. If they are
giving you messages that seem overpowering, they may have (or at least want to
have) dominant body language. If they
are constantly sending you messages that indicate that they are weak or
smaller, they are telling you that they are submissive or want to be
submissive. Read content and context to
determine this, and whether someone is insecure or competent.
Personally, I found myself looking for a confident
submissive woman If they are giving you messages that seem
(not subservient, but submissive overpowering, they may have
(or at least — there’s a very big difference!).
She was looking for a man who want to have) dominant body language.
was confident and dominant (but not domineering!). Both of us were looking for very specific
cues from potential partners, so I had to make sure that I was confident that I
was sending the proper messages.
Whenever I was able to present to women that I was dominant but not
domineering, I was able to make really strong connections and create the level
of attraction that I wanted to create.
So how do you read body language? Let’s look at some techniques that you’ll
need to master to be a badass at reading body language and using your own to
your advantage.
First things first: I break body language down into four
categories. The categories are eye
accessing cues, walking, sitting, and talking.
The most basic use for body language is sending signals that indicate
submission or dominance. Decide what kind of woman you want because you will
need to use body language that displays that you are the opposite of the women
you are interested in. If you show
submissive body language, you’ll probably attract dominant women and if you
show dominant body language, you’ll probably attract submissive women. This, once you figure it out, will be your
default state.
Typically, if you’re playing the male gender role, you will
need to present dominant body language.
Don’t mistake “dominant” for “domineering” or “aggressive” – they’re not
the same things. Since most, if not all,
of you are interested in playing the male gender role, I’m going to focus on
that for the rest of this chapter.
Let’s begin with eye accessing cues. Eye accessing cues are a very accurate way to
read someone because looking in different directions indicates that you are
accessing different parts of your brain.
A lot can be said about the study of this topic, but I’m only going to
go over what I feel are the three most important directions that you need to be
able to recognize and interpret. We’ll
also talk about combinations of these, and a well-known trigger that you can
use to provoke someone to kiss you or recognize if someone wants to kiss you
already.
Before we delve any deeper in to the subject, I have to give
you the
disclaimer that sometimes women You have to learn to read eye accessing cues will have
what’s called reverse eye accessing cues, so this isn’t an backwards.
exact science. I’ve
also seen some very intelligent neurolinguistic programming
instructors teach the opposite of what I’m about to teach you here, so it’s
important that you test the unique eye accessing cues that every individual
has. You can do this by asking certain
questions to get specific responses, and then examining which directions a
person looks in. NOTES
In general, a person who is looking to their left is
accessing their creative (or “conceptual”) brain and a person who is looking to
their right is accessing their memory (also known as recall).
Notice that I said to their right and to their left, not your right and
your left. You have to learn to read
eye accessing cues backwards. Their right is your left, and their
left is your right.
A lot of people think that looking in a specific
direction indicates that a person is
lying, but that’s not the case. You
cannot determine that someone is lying just because they’re accessing their creative/conceptual
brain. All that particular
eye movement means is that the process that person is going
through at the time is a creative process.
Let’s move on to the next directions: up and down. Looking
up usually means that a person is accessing his visual
brain. In other words, he is visualizing something. It doesn’t matter what it is – colors, words, images – you can
tell that someone is a visual thinker if they constantly look up. Glancing down
is related to emotions, which is why it’s vital to be able to recognize
a downward look in an interaction. When
you notice this happening, it indicates
that the person you’re talking to has an emotional association with whatever
you’re talking about (or, more specifically, what they’re thinking about). You could say something like “I really like
the Rolling Stones” and the woman you’re conversing with may think about how
her father used to listen to the Rolling Stones when she was a kid.
That brings us to combinations of eye accessing cues. What NOTES
does it mean if she is looking up and to the left? In theory, if she has normal eye accessing
cues, she will be accessing her visual conceptual brain. That means that she’s visualizing something that she has probably never
visualized before. One way to test this is to ask “What color is the house
that you grew up in?” Asking this question will get you one of two
responses. You might notice that she
looks up and actually tries to think
about what color her house was, or she might look down because she has an
emotional association with her
house. Regardless of which way
she looks vertically, if she looks to
her right slightly it means that her recall is to her right. If she looks to her left instead, it could
mean that she uses her creative brain to
trigger her memory.
Some people are a lot like slot machines because they use
their creative brain to cycle through all the different options they are imagining until they find the one
that triggers a memory or an emotional response. They then take that option and use it to figure out what color their
house was when they were a kid. People
do this frequently when they’re trying to
figure out things that they really don’t remember.
This tactic isn’t 100% accurate, but it’s one method you can
use to determine which directions a woman uses for the various eye accessing
cues. To be more certain, you can ask a
follow-up question like “Do you remember what color the walls in your bedroom
were?” If she looks in the same
direction again, you can be reasonably sure that that direction is the
direction she uses for recall.
The other combined eye accessing cues follow a logical
pattern. Looking up and to the right
indicates that someone is using their visual recall, and looking down and to
the left indicates that they are accessing their conceptual emotional brain,
meaning that they are feeling something new or something that they are afraid
of feeling. The last combination is
looking down and to the right, which indicates emotional recall. This is a very strong trigger because it
means that you are touching on something that the person has an emotional
association with.
Being able to elicit emotional responses will make you feel
very powerful, but don’t abuse it! You
won’t be a badass with women if you are always trying to make them feel
emotional. Success with women is not
that simple. If it was, I wouldn’t be
writing this book!
A productive way to use this
ability is to examine a woman’s Looking directly into one
eye and eye accessing cues to determine
if she is being emotionally then the other will make her
feel associative with you. For
example, one of the biggest overwhelmed with emotions, so
she’ll indicators that someone wants to revert her gaze back to your mouth and
kiss you is an eye accessing cue combination called triangulation. then repeat
the pattern.
Triangulation, as you might have guessed, is a combination
of three eye movements. When you are in
the final stages of rapport, you might notice the woman staring at your mouth
while you’re talking. Looking down at
your mouth will access her emotions, and then associate those emotions with
looking NOTES
at your mouth.
Oftentimes, she will then consciously look up in an attempt to avoid
seeming desperate, and will then catch your eyes. Looking directly into one eye and then the other will make her feel overwhelmed with
emotions, so she’ll revert her gaze back to your mouth and then repeat the pattern.
Switching back and forth in this manner results in her eyes forming a
triangular pattern.
When you see this happening with a girl you should go for a
kiss immediately, unless some other,
more important circumstance is stopping you (like it’s your friend’s
girlfriend!). Wondering what you should say and how you actually go
in for the kiss? The best approach I’ve found is just to be direct. Call her
out on it by saying “It’s okay.”
When she asks “What’s okay?”
say “You can kiss me, I want to kiss you too.”
That has been one of the most phenomenally successful phrases I have ever used. As soon as I received the first triangulation
cue from a woman, I would say this phrase and
about 80% of the girls would kiss me right then and there.
When I started out, only about 20% responded with a kiss, so
I kept testing and changing my methods until I got a positive response from 30%. Then I tweaked it some more, and it moved to
50%, and eventually I was able to optimize the phrase until it became what you
see here.
The reason it works as well as it does is that I give
acceptance to the woman by showing her that I’m interested as well. By saying
“It’s okay, I want to kiss you too” you make her feel like she’s not putting
herself out on a limb and facing the possibility of rejection. Rejection is everyone’s biggest NOTES
fear, whether you’re a man or a woman, so it’s important to
make people feel safe with you. If you
eliminate that fear, then you eliminate pretty much any hesitation a woman might have about kissing you. It’s an incredibly simple and powerful
technique.
Here’s another concept I want to toss into the mix: what is
the difference between positive and negative body language,
and submissive and dominant body language?
Positive and negative body
language is dependent on the direction you’re facing. If you’re facing someone directly, you are
showing them positive body language that
is a reward for something they did.
Playing with a combination of positive and negative body language allows you to project that
you’re interested
while also clearly stating that you are not needy.
All of this should mostly occur during the phase of
attraction. At the beginning of an
interaction with a girl, you shouldn’t face her directly. If your body is turned completely
towards hers, you will project neediness
and she will feel like she has
nothing to work for because you will give yourself to anyone
who will take you. There are lots of
theories on how to avoid this. Do you face her completely and then turn
away? Do you turn your back? Do you turn sideways and look over your
shoulder? As a general rule, the most
effective approach is to give her positive body language right at the beginning
of an interaction and then immediately take it away. Lean back slightly, or turn away a little
bit. Make sure that you’re moving with
your legs, not your upper body, or you’ll look like you’re afraid she’s about
to punch you in the face! You
should also never lean forward or backwards with your hips.
If you want to project negative body language, lean on your back foot, and if
you want to project positive body language put your weight on your front foot.
Another massive difference between positive and negative
body language is the position of your shoulders. A woman will be
able to recognize what direction If you want to project negative body your shoulders
are facing faster
than you’ll be able to recognize language, lean on your back
foot, and if you anything, so you want to make want to project positive body
language put sure that you’re always changing it up. About once every ten or your weight on your
front foot.
twenty seconds you should switch your shoulders around, just
a little bit, so that you are not giving her strictly positive body
language. You also have to keep an eye
out for when she’s showing her shoulders to you. If she starts to face you with her hips,
feet, and face – especially if she opens her hands and arms, and creates a
direct, physical line of communication between her chest and yours – she is
giving you very strong indications that she is interested in you. This is absolutely key if you want to build
attraction. So many guys overlook this and end up wasting opportunities!
Dominant and submissive body language is much simpler: a
dominant person conquers the space he’s in by taking up as much of it as
possible, and a submissive person tries to be smaller and take up as little
space as possible. It’s very important that
when you get your first positive reaction from a girl, you are still showing
her a combination of negative and NOTES
positive body language because, as I said before, showing
too much interest immediately will cause you to be trapped in the friend zone.
From here on out, I’m going to teach you a little bit about
how to walk, sit, and talk in a dominant manner that gives off a confident, attractive air without making it
seem like you
are overcompensating for something. A lot of guys screw this up by thinking that
they’re dominant when they’re actually
just coming off as assholes. You
can gain attraction by being an asshole just because it means you’re not a wimp
– women are now so desperate for
attractive, confident men that they will fall for jerks solely because jerks
are not weak – but it’s far from the
best path to take.
Let’s start with walking.
I stated in the chapter about the system that the first stage in the
phase of attraction is
introduction. Introduction is
when a woman sees you for the first time, not when she speaks to you for the
first time, so it’s very likely that her
first experience of you will be you
walking, sitting, or standing. How you are walking or sitting or standing
will affect whether or not she is immediately
attracted to you.
To walk in a way that is confident and dominant, there are
three major traits you have to keep in mind.
The first is to have wide strides.
Step as far as you can without lunging and take as few strides as
possible to get where you need to go. If
you take tiny steps, you send the message to other peoples’ subconscious minds
that you are the kind of man
who allows his fears to control his life. You don’t take wider steps because they might
be unsafe and you might fall down, right?
A person who is afraid of falling over in front of people is actually
afraid of being humiliated because they are not
truly confident. A woman won’t
feel safe with you if she sees you walking with small steps. If you aren’t even willing to trust yourself, why should she be?
The proper way to walk is to extend your leg until your heel
touches the ground on the other side.
Your heel should always touch
before your toes do. And without looking
like you’re marching, allow your feet to tap the ground a bit whenever you walk. Make sure you commit to that second
step. You may make a mistake, you may
fall over, but that’s what you have to
do in order to be confident all the time.
If all of that sounds confusing, check out the Members Only
Area for a demonstration!
When you start taking wide strides, you will begin to notice
people looking at you more. Both men and
women will stare at you, recognizing
your increased confidence and
attractiveness.
You’ll have a little more pressure on you, but get used to it – it’s a
good kind of pressure! Respond by keeping your head up at all times (stop
looking at the ground…there’s not money down there) and making eye contact. Look down once to get an idea of the
landscape so you know where to step, then look up for the rest of the
journey.
The final step to constructing a more confident walk is to
keep your shoulders down. Pull them back
to the point that you almost feel a pull in your neck, but they are not pushed
out in a way that sticks your chest forward.
I saw more positive reactions per block when I started doing this than I
had ever seen in the months beforehand.
I would notice five attractive women staring me up and down, or looking
me in the eyes and smiling, on every block in New York City when before I would
be lucky if I saw five check me out in a month.
Sitting and standing are very different atmospheres from
active movement. Obviously you can’t
take wide strides if you’re not moving, so how do you show that you're
confident? One method is to take up as much space as possible. Notice where your shoulders are – from there
down is your space, and you should take it up completely. You can occupy even
more space when you’re sitting down by opening your legs a little bit. Take
care not to use too much space, though, or you will appear to be
overcompensating. If someone tries to sit next to you, only scoot over if they
need room. If they don’t, don’t close
your legs. Don’t give them extra space
just because they’re there.
Another factor to consider is the position of your
head. A lot of people accidentally lower
their heads when they’re in a conversation with someone. By lowering your head, you subconsciously project
submission and weakness to people who you are either intimidated by or attracted
to. So if you're intimidated by
beautiful women, you will naturally lower your head whenever you speak with one
in an attempt to say “I am not a threat to you.”
Learn to keep your head up at all times while you're
talking. The only time you can break this rule is when you're building
rapport. During that stage, it’s ok to
occasionally lean your head down a
little bit when you’re trying to express something and feel overwhelmed with
emotion. The mental or emotional weight of your feelings will
manifest itself by
making you feel like your head is physically heavier. In all other situations, keep your head at
the same level as everyone else around
you and try to keep your back as straight as possible.
Slouching is a very serious offense. Not only is it unattractive
to look at and bad for your back, it shows that you want to
be lower in the conversation. I know
that your back may be sore. It may hurt, it may be weak, it may be
tiring, but don’t make excuses! Cross
your legs and take up less space if
that’s what it takes to make you sit up straight. Sitting up straight takes precedence over
taking up space.
Men who are confident do not slouch; they use proper
posture to project that confidence! There are plenty of ways to train yourself to
sit up straight, but the best way I found was just to constantly check-in with my body and force
myself to sit up if I noticed that I was slouching. Form a checklist for all of the things we’ve
discussed in this chapter: “Are my strides wide? Is my head up? Are my shoulders down? Am I taking up the space that I want? Am I lowering my head, or am I keeping my
head up? What are my eye accessing cues
saying?” You don’t have over-think it,
but it’s good to be
aware of the messages your body is sending.
The last thing to pay attention to is your voice. Your voice has two major sources: your throat
and your stomach. Speaking with your
throat results in a higher pitch and higher range. The benefits of speaking
with your throat are that you can speak faster and can project sound farther,
but it doesn’t resonate with people.
When you speak from your stomach, people can feel the vibration of your
voice, so it resonates with them both physically and emotionally.
This is a very powerful distinction. If you speak with your
throat during the attraction
phase of an interaction you will
disarm people, making them feel If you speak with your
throat during the comfortable around you, but if
you speak from your stomach attraction
phase of an interaction you during the attraction phase, will disarm people, making them feel
people may feel intimidated.
Use the right tool for the right comfortable around you ...
job. When you are
trying to make people feel comfortable around you, especially if you’re being
lighthearted and fun, then you should employ your banter voice – the voice that
comes directly from your throat. You can
tell the difference because your throat will vibrate a lot and your stomach
will vibrate very little when you’re speaking from your throat, and you’ll
notice that your diaphragm will vibrate when you speak from your stomach. Speaking from your stomach should also cause
vibrations in your sternum and your voice will be deeper. This voice is your seduction voice. It’s more difficult to hear, but it’s more
powerful and dominant when you're in the phase of seduction.
Another important concept to be aware of is the way the ends
of your sentences sound. Ending
everything on an up- note makes all of
your sentences sound like questions. We
do this naturally when we don’t know what we’re talking about, so it sends the message that you’re
unsure of what
you’re saying even when that’s not the case. Instead, try to end your sentences on down-notes. Ending a sentence with a down-note leaves a positive and powerful
impression. If you’re wrong, all you
have to do is say “Oh, I was wrong about
that. I’m sorry.” You will still seem confident and sure of
yourself. Ninety percent of men don’t pay
attention to this and it massively
changes whether or not women accept them
as being dominant and confident. If you sound like you’re questioning
yourself, of course she’s going to question you!
Eliminate “um’s” and “uh’s” from your conversations as
well. We use filler words to take the
place of a pause while we’re speaking
because we’re afraid someone will talk over
us if we give them dead air in which to do it. The problem with this strategy is that it
backfires completely – people recognize
that a filler word means that they can take control of the conversation if they
want to, so they usually end up causing interruptions instead of preventing
them. Whenever you find that you don’t
know how to continue a conversation, pause and allow the silence to
happen. It might feel awkward at first,
but silence is actually a very powerful element of human communication. In a group, it can build tension, anxiety, or
a strong sense of urgency or attention.
One-on-
one, silence allows the other person to have input so you
don’t dominate the conversation in an unpleasant way. Even if you have something important to say,
a moment of silence is preferable to a collection of filler words.
The last thing you need to be aware of might sound a little
cliché, but stick with me! The power of
laughter is extraordinary. Genuine
laughter only occurs around people that we feel comfortable with, because it’s
a very vulnerable and personal experience.
If you laugh with people who are strangers, they will get the impression
that you are a very confident, comfortable person who is okay with being
vulnerable.
I relate this to martial arts. The scariest and most advanced stances in any
martial art are the ones that almost invite being attacked. Picture someone standing with their back to
you, completely wide open. Their
position practically says “Come hit me now.”
This is a terrifying stance because you know that the person who is standing
like that expects you to attack them.
That person exhibits a great deal of confidence, because standing in
that manner indicates that they are prepared and have given thought to how they
are going to divert your attack, and then perform a counterattack in
return. People look at your social
ability in the same way. If you laugh
with a stranger, you are being vulnerable. Our survival instincts cause us to
naturally assume that all strangers are threats to us, but once you develop the
confidence to be vulnerable with strangers you’ll find that that’s not the
case. The truth is that strangers will
not attack you because they are too afraid to do so. Most
people have emotional guards in place to protect them, so
when you encounter someone who doesn’t have any he will seem like a complete
badass. And no one wants to screw with a
badass!
If you do get screwed with a lot, then try being completely
vulnerable. It’s likely you’ll get screwed with less. Things may temporarily get worse, but stay
consistent and keep doing it. The
reality is that we all believe that we have more control over things than we
really do – we are all vulnerable in social situations, even when we don’t
realize it. Showing that you're
comfortable laughing and putting yourself out there in social environments
where everyone else is tense and scared will show how powerful you really are.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there’s no way to
avoid every potential attack. You will
still be attacked sometimes, and it will be annoying and a little painful, but
it will happen less and less frequently as time goes by. You may also find that people stand up for
you when they see that you’re being attacked, whereas before they would not
have done anything. Increase your social
power by laughing with strangers and projecting positive body language.
Let’s move on. You’re
sitting up straight, maintaining eye contact, and using the appropriate voice
at the appropriate times. How do you
know that a woman is attracted to you? You should always believe, in your
subconscious mind, that every woman is going to be attracted to you on some
level. Assuming attraction works in your favor more than questioning whether or
not every girl is attracted to you, but there are several signs you can look
for that more concretely indicate that a woman is interested in you. To make it simple, I put together a list of
the top ten signals of attraction that I’ve encountered in the field.
Number One: Looking down.
If a woman looks down when she first sees you or looks down during a
conversation, especially if she smiles while lowering her head, it’s a very
strong indicator that she’s attracted to you.
Number Two: Hair twirling.
A lot of men misread hair twirling because there are several reasons why
a woman might be doing it. One possible
reason is that she is trying to stimulate her scalp, which means that she is
bored and is losing attraction for you.
If she is both stimulating her scalp and staying involved in the
conversation, however, it’s likely that she is becoming sexually stimulated
while talking to you. The sensory experience related to the head (particularly
at the back) is incredibly sexually loaded and full of emotional triggers and
anchors. Playing with your hair causes
blood to flow and makes you feel connected with your body, so if you notice a
woman twirling her hair in a way that tightens it and causes it to tug on her
scalp, it’s a positive sign.
Number Three: Leaning in.
Most women will not lean towards you unless they are interested in you,
so this is a fantastic way to judge the level of a woman’s attraction. Remember that attraction is just curiosity,
though, so don’t get carried away and assume that every woman who leans towards
you wants to sleep with you.
Number Four: Triangulation.
We went over this already in the eye accessing cue portion of the
chapter, so I’ll just review it briefly.
Triangulation describes a pattern of eye movement that is a strong
indicator that a woman wants to kiss you or is feeling sexual around you. She will look at one eye, then the other,
then your mouth, and then repeat the gesture.
Kiss her as soon as you see this happening.
Number Five: Initiating or escalating touch. Is she touching you more and more? Is she letting each touch linger for a longer
period of time? Is she touching you even
if you haven’t touched her first? These
are all signs she’s interested.
If you see a cluster of these, or even just one, you should
automatically assume that the woman is attracted to you. There’s no harm in
assuming that she does find you attractive, but there’s a lot of harm in not
recognizing when she does. To recap, the top signs of attraction are:
You will be able to read body language like a pro if you can
keep all of these points in mind. Study
them, practice reading them, and master them slowly, and you will be a complete
badass with women.
It might sound like a big claim, but I promise, I’m not
messing with you. I'm going to outline
exactly why it happens and how to create it, so if you would like love to
remain a fantasy, then you should move on to the next chapter.
In my opinion, it’s important to learn how to create love so
that when you find the right person, you’ll be able to make a connection with
her no matter what the situation is. A
lot of NOTES
guys don’t think about this, and when they finally learn how
to create love they end up being disappointed with how easy it really is. There is a system for creating love, and it
isn’t reliant on how much you’re doing,
or how special you are, or anything like that.
It’s just a matter of following a few
simple steps that we naturally do when we like someone. Once you break
it down, it might not be interesting anymore,
but you will have control over it and will be able to create love
whenever you want to.
What a woman ultimately wants is a man who can create
love for her. If you don’t know how to do it, you will act
needy and will force rapport too early.
Trying to forge a connection too
quickly will kill attraction and make you afraid to leave
the rapport topic because you can’t control the situation. I
see this happen to a lot of guys, so I’m going to teach you how to avoid it.
You must make a direct emotional transfer from yourself to
a woman you’re interested in. When we discussed the system,
I explained that you need to become vulnerable during this
moment. This is not an appropriate time
to banter and be lighthearted. It’s a serious stage, and if you fake it, the
only one you’ll be screwing is yourself.
Being a badass means understanding how to control and draw out your own
natural rapport.
Luckily, however, there is a rapport formula that you can
use to help you. This formula will
ensure that an emotional connection is made, even if you don’t know how to
naturally build it.
The formula begins during the stage of light rapport. Light rapport is when you ask questions such
as “What did you do before you came here today?” The woman will answer you with a list: “I
went to the store to get some eggs. Then
I came back. I fed my dog. I had a really great breakfast. Afterwards, I
went for a walk. I didn’t have work
today, so I went to the park and read a book on dietary supplements. And then I
came home, took a shower, got dressed and came here.” All of these things may seem like normal
conversation topics, but they’re not – they’re possible points on which you can
create rapport.
To do so, you must employ the deep rapport formula. The deep rapport formula states that when you
figure out what you want to build rapport on, you will create love in the
relationship if you adhere to the following instructions and make a real
attempt to form a connection. If you
don’t, the creation of love is left up to chance. This is a great skill set to have in
The first step of the formula is acceptance. Announce that you accept what the woman has
said, even if it’s only by saying “Oh yeah, cool!” A short phrase like “That’s really awesome”
or “That sounds amazing” is perfectly acceptable. NOTES
You’re just letting her know that you were listening to her.
If you jump straight into the deep rapport formula without acknowledging what
she said, it will seem like you were
simply waiting for your turn to talk.
That’s an instant red flag for a woman, because it will make her feel
like she can’t trust you.
Once that acceptance is solidified, you can move on to the
second stage. Most guys speak from
what’s called the “You
perspective.” You are using the
You perspective when you say things like “You know when you go to the store and
you look at the pasta – and you really
love pasta! – so you get some and go home and you can’t wait to cook it. You know
what that’s like?” A lot of guys
speak that way because it
forces the woman to open up and be vulnerable first, while
they get to sit back and wait to be accepted before making themselves vulnerable.
That approach doesn’t work, because it’s not a powerful rapport perspective. When you use the You perspective,
you’re asking a woman to put down her shield before you put
down yours. Sorry, guys – you have to do
things the other way around. If you want to be a badass with women, you’re
going to have to understand that there are some rules that you cannot break,
and this is one of them. You might not
like it, but that’s the reality – you must lower your shield before you expect
a woman to lower hers.
To do this, start out with “I don’t know how it is for you,
but for me…” and then launch into your story.
This way, you’re forced to speak from the “I perspective.” Using the I perspective makes the pasta
example look something like this: “Whenever I go to the store and I see pasta,
I’m so excited to get it that I have to run home and eat it right away!” It’s a silly example, but it’s a much
stronger rapport based conversation.
When you use the You perspective, people automatically tune you out and
start to ask themselves “Is that true about me?
Do I really feel excited about pasta?”
In order to make an emotional connection, you can’t have constant
objections and distractions entering the conversation, even if they are
entirely subconscious.
As long as you’re stating how you feel about something
there’s no way someone can argue about it, so instead of continuously asking
themselves “Is that true about me?” they will accept what you’re saying and
stay in the moment. This is crucial for building rapport.
Once you’ve passed the “I don’t know how it is for you, but
for me…” stage, you’re ready for the
“Whenever I _____, I feel _____” stage. Whatever you choose to talk about here is
your rapport topic. Let’s say you decide
to talk about going to the store to get eggs.
To build rapport on that topic, you will start out by saying “Oh, that’s
really awesome.” You have acknowledged
what the woman said, and can move on with “I don’t know how it is for you, but
for me, sometimes when I go to the store and I want to buy something like eggs,
I feel like I’m on a mini excursion. I
don’t know if I’m going to find the eggs, or if I’m going to end up buying
something completely different. Or maybe
I’ll accidentally drop the eggs in the line and have to get another
carton. It’s like a miniature adventure
for me! It’s really exciting!”
Notice that I didn’t say “Whenever I go to the store to buy
eggs, I feel happy.” Keep away from
using emotional expressive words like happy, sad, angry, etc, because they
don’t actually have any meaning to us.
You might as well not say anything at all. If you want to build an emotional association
with someone, you can’t rely on using emotional words because people tune them
out. Plenty of guys make this mistake
because they think that saying “Oh yeah, I love that too” will
build rapport when in fact it’s only ...you need to describe
the event pointing out a commonality. It
doesn’t that makes you feel a specific way, transfer any kind of emotion
because
we don’t process emotions in terms of and should not try to
explain the the words we use for them (like happy, emotion itself. sad, and angry). Words are used for communication about
emotions, not for experiencing them.
What’s really important are the events that are linked to
emotions. That means that you need to
describe the event that makes you feel a specific way, and should not try to
explain the emotion itself. If you’ve
done that successfully, the next step is to get some sort of confirmation
(called confirmation number one) that the woman is following everything you’ve
said. All you need from her is a head
nod or a “yes.” Ask her a simple
question like “Do you know what I mean?” and pause – if you give her time to
answer, she will respond. If she’s
already nodding her head, then you know that she’s following you and you
don’t need to actively seek out confirmation.
Following confirmation number one, you’re ready to actually
create rapport. A highly effective,
go-to rapport topic is anything that happened to you when you were a child.
Whenever we hear someone telling stories about being a little kid, we begin to
think back to our own childhoods and start to feel all the emotions that we
associate with that period in our lives.
It automatically makes us feel closer to other people.
In the case of the example we’ve been using, then, you need
to find a way to relate going on an excursion to buy eggs to something that
happened when you were a child. You
could tell her, for example, “It kind of reminds me of when I was a little boy
and I used to wake up and pretend I was a ninja. I would hide behind trees in my neighborhood
and watch people drive by, or climb a tree and throw a stick next to someone so
they’d have to look around to try to figure out who it was. Being able to run around like that was a
really freeing experience for me. I’m
sure everyone saw me, but I was just a kid so I didn’t know any better. I felt like I was invisible! It was such a great time.” Then relate everything you’ve just said to
the experience of buying eggs: “That’s kind of like the excursion I go on when
I go to the store.” When you make the connection between your chosen rapport
topic and your childhood, you need a second confirmation before proceeding
(unless, of course, she’s already nodding). Check in with her again – “Does
that make any sense?” A “yes” means
you’re good to go, but if she says “no” you need to find a new rapport
topic. If she’s not following you, you
have not successfully transferred emotion to her and you need to start
over.
After receiving confirmation number two, you need to link
the story from your childhood to the
present. This is done
in the form of a lesson. You probably
weren’t too concerned with major life lessons when you were a kid, so the
lesson is learned from telling the story and not from the actual
experience. Essentially, you learn the
lesson as you say it.
Your next move is the “Ever since then” step. Begin a sentence with “And ever since then,”
and follow it with something like “every time I go on an adventure like going
to the store, it makes me feel like I still know what it’s like to be a kid,
even though I’m an adult. I can take the
beautiful experience of role-playing when I was little and apply it to my every
day life. It’s really phenomenal.” Connecting the old experience to your
experience now and allowing a woman to see the changes you have gone through
makes her feel like she was part of that process with you. This is particularly effective if you learn
the lesson in the moment, because going through the process of making the
association for the first time in front of a woman makes her feel like she has
a better understanding of you.
It’s vital that you do not lie to a woman in this
stage. She is going to make a connection
with you based on what you say during it – a connection that will lead to love
later on – so if you lie, she will make a connection with a person who doesn’t
really exist. Why lie when it’s
counterproductive, and when the truth is just as good?
The final step is the ultimate confirmation. When you finish every other step of the
formula, ask “Does that make any kind of sense to
you whatsoever?” You
can use a variation of that if you want, but I’ve tested countless questions
and this is the most effective. The
beauty of this question is that it’s completely open. If what you said made any sense to her
whatsoever, even if it was very little, she is going to say yes and the phase
of rapport has ended.
What the question is really asking is “Did you get that
emotional transfer?” so if she says “yes,” you should see a noticeable
difference in the way she’s acting. You
should also feel different, because rapport is a two-way street. Even though
you are in control of the entire situation, you won’t be able to help feeling
something beautiful for her at the same time as you are making her fall for
you. It doesn’t mean that you will fall
in love with the woman, but it does mean that you will start to love her
more. She will become NOTES more than
just a random girl to you.
Personally, I think it’s necessary to do this with all of
the girls you date. You might not use
this exact formula, but you will go
through the process of building deep rapport, of discussing things that
happened when you were younger and
transferring emotions. You can
alter the formula wherever
you wish, or avoid it completely in favor of building
rapport naturally, but I know it works because my students, as well as myself, have had great success with it.
Now that you’ve got all of that under your belt, I’d like to
talk about how to enter the phase of
rapport in the first place.
This is one area in the map of interaction where logistics
become a big issue. To begin rapport,
you should almost always be one-on-one
with a woman. If she’s in a group of
people, simply say “Let’s go over here” and take her to a more private location. She may trust you completely, but she may not
trust everyone in the group and therefore won’t
feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of them.
Make sure that you are leaning in during this process, and
check that she is leaning in as well.
During the phase of attraction
you should never lean in, but during rapport it’s beneficial to show more
interest. Access your emotions with your
eyes as well. If you cannot draw out an
emotion about something, try looking down and thinking about it. Remember that
leading your body will lead your mind.
When you are not looking down, it is important to maintain solid eye
contact to aid the flow of emotion. We
receive a great
deal of emotion via the eyes, so if you’re constantly
looking in multiple different directions a woman will not receive that emotion
from you.
The last thing I want to teach you is that there are three
different kinds of rapport, and you must learn to choose the proper one for the
proper time. The three types of rapport
topics are eager rapport topics, negative rapport topics, and unexpected
rapport topics.
An eager rapport topic is something that a woman says during
wide rapport when, for example, she’s telling you what she did that day. Anything she mentions that involves a massive
amount of emotion is an eager rapport topic.
When a woman brings up something like this, she wants you to talk about
it. She is more or less telling you exactly what she wants you to build rapport
on. Two types of girls use eager rapport
topics. Some use them because they are needy and are desperate to make a
connection, and others use them to test if you are trying to make a connection
quickly. A man who is not interested in
the conversation, is not enjoying her company, or is just trying to get her
into bed will immediately jump at the chance to discuss an eager rapport
topic. Don’t take that approach if you
want to be successful.
A woman brings up a negative rapport topic whenever she
tells you about something bad that happened to her (or, in fact, any other
negative subject). Two things will
happen if you choose to build rapport on a negative rapport topic. The first is
that she will now associate you with something negative, and the second is that
she will then feel that she has to continue to tell you negative things in
order to keep building rapport. Because
she knows that she will be accepted for saying something negative, she thinks
that doing so will build a stronger connection with you. Is there someone in your life who constantly
dumps their problems on you? Who is
always negative and always complaining?
That
person acts that way around Unexpected
rapport topics are things that a you because you built negative
rapport with them.
Refuse woman mentions that she doesn’t expect you to build rapport on
negative to build a connection on. topics from now on.
The third and most important form of rapport is unexpected
rapport. Unexpected rapport topics are
things that a woman mentions that she doesn’t expect you to build a connection
on. Let’s say a woman says “I went to
work, then I came home, and then I had an amazing time watching a television
show.” The best thing to do in that
situation is to choose the unexpected rapport topic: “I went to work.” Build rapport on that tiny thing first, then
you can move on to eager topics like having an amazing time watching tv.
In some rare occasions, you will encounter a fourth from of
rapport called forced rapport. Forced
rapport occurs when someone gives you a topic that you have to talk about. For example, if a woman says “Today my
grandmother passed away,” you can’t just ignore it and move on with the
conversation. You have to at least
acknowledge it with an NOTES
“Oh, I’m really sorry,” but change the subject as soon as
you can to avoid building rapport on a negative topic.
Using the deep rapport formula and your knowledge about the different forms of rapport, you can
create love with anyone you meet.
There’s more about this in the Members
Only Area, so if you have any questions feel free to ask them
there and the entire badass team will get back to you. Try these tactics out, post what you think,
and have a good time, but please
understand that misusing the ability to create love will have serious
repercussions. Build rapport with people that you genuinely care about, and you
will be able to control love and create an intense emotional connection with anyone you want.
THE BIGGEST YOU MAKEMISTAKES 9
The last thing I want to talk about are the top 10 biggest
mistakes that men make with women.
Before I started the company I have now, I used to do a lot of
fieldwork. I would take guys to bars,
cafes, parks – anywhere there were women! – and watch how they approached girls
so that I could assess their performance.
I learned so much from doing fieldwork that I can now walk into a room
full of new students and tell you immediately what the three biggest problems
are that each guy is going to have. I
call these “show-stopping mistakes,” because even if you only make one, you
will screw up an entire interaction. Let’s get straight to the list…
The first big mistake that most men make is “pecking.” I’m
sure you’ve seen this countless times at bars and clubs. You are pecking if
you lean forward at your hips to speak to a woman and lean
back when you’re finished speaking, then lean forward again to listen to what
she says and back when she is finished.
You look like a chicken pecking at food on the ground.
I don’t care if you can’t hear what she’s saying because in
the beginning of an interaction, it doesn’t matter if you can hear. Attraction is not based on verbal content, it
is based primarily on body language.
When you make a lot of effort to get close to a woman so you can hear
her and she can hear you, you project that you will do whatever it takes to
make sure that she stays put and listens to you because you’re not actually
worth talking to. You send the message
that what you have to say is not valuable whatsoever, so you are willing to do
all the work for her. Instead, if you
can’t hear someone in a bar, lean perpendicular to her. Lean to the left or right if she’s facing you
directly, and point to your ear so that she has to lean forward to talk into
it.
Remember that “lead the body and the mind will follow”
thing? In this case, the woman will
begin to “peck on you,” and doing so will make her more attracted to you. As a bonus, every other girl in the venue who
watches this occur will think that you’re confident, attractive, and good with
women.
The second item on my list is being needy during the
beginning of an interaction. You
absolutely cannot afford to act needy
during the phase of attraction. If you approach a girl and she walks away,
tough shit! It’s no big deal! There are ten other girls in the bar you can
have. You cannot become invested in an
interaction until you get into rapport, so view every interaction you begin
with a girl as nothing more than fun.
You don’t have anything to lose by someone you don’t know walking
away. The only time you do lose is by
building rapport and then screwing up.
Do not be outcome dependent! Be
outcome independent. Focus on the
moment, on being a man, on being attractive, on progressing through the
different stages of the map of interaction.
The third big mistake that men make is showing too much
positive body language too quickly, or doing it
for no reason. Far
too many guys approach girls they don’t know and immediately face them directly
and send other positive signals with their bodies. That projects “I’m very interested in you,
and I’m also not going to make you chase me whatsoever. Here I am.
Take it or leave it.” If you give
her that option, she’s going to leave it because taking it means making a
massive commitment.
Make frequent changes to your body language to avoid
this. Lean to the left or right, look
over your shoulder, lean back on your feet if you’re facing her directly. Don’t lean forwards with your back or hips –
if you’re going to lean in any direction, lean on your feet. You can find descriptions, videos, and
pictures of this in the Members Only Area if it sounds confusing here. Leaning back on your feet creates a bit of
distance between yourself and the woman you’re talking to, which indicates to
her that you are ready to leave if things don’t go right or she is not up to
your standards.
When a woman is constantly thinking that you might leave
her, she will give you lots of positive body language. Be careful not to reciprocate. You can even turn your back on her every once
in a while. During the attraction phase
of an interaction, you are supposed to be playful and fun, so try saying a
quick joke, then turning around and taking a couple of steps away from her
while she’s laughing, then coming back to her with a smile on your face. This will increase attraction through body language
very quickly.
You also must not give positive body language when a woman
does something that you don’t like, even if she’s just role playing. Let’s say you’re bantering and you say “Come
here, I’m adopting you. You can be my
little sister” and she says “Cool, I’d love to be your little sister!” Your response should be to turn your back a
little bit and give her negative body language, while saying “Okay, you can
start out as my sister and then maybe you can upgrade later to something like a
distant relative or a distant friend.”
You can role play with her, but don’t give her positive body language
when she is being negative, even if she means to do it in a playful way.
Up next: number four. Don’t be too cool for school, because
if you’re so cool that you can’t talk to women, you’re
also going to be too cool to make out with them, too cool to
sleep with them, and too cool to date them.
You’re not that cool, I promise, so stop acting like you are. If you spend an entire night standing by the
bar and expecting women to fawn over you because you’re the next James Bond,
you’re making a giant mistake. Women are
hyper-intuitive – they know that you’re living in a fantasy world, and that’s
not attractive. Don’t be too egotistical
to be playful and fun during the attraction phase or you’ll never get anywhere.
Trust me, it doesn’t work. I would be
teaching you that, if it did. Instead,
I’m telling you to get down, be fun and open, and be the best version of yourself
during this process.
The fifth biggest mistake that
I see men make is not touching a woman enough, or not
touching her properly. Trying to touch
too quickly ends
the attraction, but not touching at all means the attraction
never begins in the first place. It
forces you into the friend zone. Make
sure that you follow the advice for touching women that’s outlined in this book
until you understand it so well that you don’t need to follow it anymore.
The next major mistake is asking for permission. Examples are asking for a phone number
instead of
saying that you want it, or asking if she’s interested in
coming with you to sit somewhere instead of saying “Let’s go sit over
there.” When you ask permission for
everything, it shows that you’re not willing to take risks or chances. A man who asks permission is expecting the
woman to make all the decisions because he doesn’t want to take responsibility
for them. If you do that, you are not
fulfilling the male gender role and she will not be attracted to you. Don’t think this means that you’re supposed
to force her to do things, though! An attractive man is dominant but not
domineering, as we discussed earlier. If
she ever doesn’t want to do something or tells you to stop, then stop, but
don’t ask for permission.
Number seven is failing compliance and congruence
tests. These are massively
important. If you cannot pass them,
women will filter you out. That’s just
how it is. The
filtering system exists because it works.
A man who cannot pass a woman’s tests doesn’t deserve to be with her, so
you’re going to have to work hard to learn how to pass them. Luckily for you, you have all of that
information right here in this book.
The eighth mistake you can’t afford to make is buying
someone’s attention or time. The guys who buy girls drinks
at bars are usually not the guys who go home with them, and
if they are, it’s only because they got the girls so drunk that they didn’t
care anymore. That’s not power, that’s
weakness! It’s just a loophole that gets
you in trouble so many times that it’s far from worth it. Buying things for women is only acceptable if
you’ve already built rapport and have a connection with them. If you’ve passed the qualifying stage, feel
free to buy a woman whatever you want because she now means something to you.
Hesitation is number nine.
Everyone hesitates naturally, so you have to consciously
make an effort not to. The best way to
defeat hesitation
is simply to not give yourself time for it. Stop thinking so much about approaching a
woman and just do it! You can also make
use of a few motivating factors that you know will force you into action. What are one or two things that you can say
to yourself that you know will motivate you to do anything? When I was first starting to learn this
stuff, I told myself things like “Be a man!” and “Don’t be a pussy!” Whenever I
heard those to things, I would stop hesitating and act.
The final big mistake that men make is creating an imaginary
relationship. Don’t let your mind get
carried away when you’ve just
met someone. I don’t
care that you made out with her in a bar.
I don’t care that she returned your phone call or sent you a text
message. Stop thinking about her 24/7
and calling her your girlfriend in your head.
Guys constantly create imaginary relationships with women because they NOTES
want a relationship to work out so badly that they can’t
stop thinking about the girl.
Your mind can’t tell the difference between a thought
that belongs in a folder of your actual
memories and a thought that is pure imagination, so if you frequently imagine
something happening or imagine spending
time with someone, your
brain will store those thoughts in the folder that is meant
for real memories. You’ll start to feel
like you have more of an emotional
connection to her than you really do, or you’ll think that you actually have a
history together. When you later find out that she doesn’t feel that
way, you’ll be devastated and will want to try to save the relationship but will just end up destroying it.
What you should do is match her investment. Assume in the beginning that she has lots of
options. If you know you have lots of options with women,
especially if you're “polyamorous,” (dating multiple women OPENLY) then you will not create imaginary relationships
because you have too
many other women to think about. If you have the mentality that your options
are limited, you will scare away women
who are interested in you by trying to move too quickly into a
relationship. You’re not dating a woman
until you’ve had a conversation in which it’s explicitly stated that you’re
dating.
So how do you stop thinking about her? Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to do
it. All you can do is force yourself to
think of something else. If it’s
emotional, think of something logical; if it’s logical, think of something
emotional. Keep
your mind occupied with other things until you’re clearly in
a relationship or you’ve built so much rapport with her that you know she’s
thinking about you all the time.
Congratulations – you now have the power to unlock the
innate badassness that lies within every man!
Using your new-found knowledge, you can improve your business, enhance
your friendships, and be a god with women.
If you apply the skills you’ve learned from this book, you will see
improvements in every area of your life that involves social interaction. You will be able to face your life with the
confidence of knowing that you can have anything, and anyone, you want.
Before we part ways, I want to take a moment to discuss the
word “badass.” We’ve thrown it around
plenty of times over the course of the last 30,000+ words, but what does it
really mean? How can you be a badass if
you don’t know exactly what makes you one?
This whole book, of course, is dedicated to defining the term at length,
but let’s briefly take a look at the condensed definition:
Bad•ass (baed•aes) Slang
n.
A man who is able to be successful and improve all aspects
of his life by creating good situations instead of leaving his fate to chance
and hoping he gets lucky. He is many
things, but here are 25 of his most important qualities:
A badass plays his gender role. A woman who is playing the female gender role
will always be attracted to men who play the male gender role. Once upon a time, the male gender role
involved being the provider-protector, a person who provided for his family and
protected them from threats. In modern times, a man must be a social
provider. Women constantly test men to
see if they are up to the task, so a
badass knows that he can never, under any circumstances,
deviate from playing the male gender role if he wants to be attractive to
women.
A badass is unwaveringly confident. Building confidence is not an easy task, but
it’s an essential step for building a badass life. A badass discovers each of his insecurities and
makes a committed effort to overcome them without succumbing to polar opposing
insecurity compensation. Insecurities
are only unattractive if they are allowed to take over your life. Having the
courage and determination to face insecurities is an attractive quality, so a
badass abolishes his limiting beliefs and replaces them with a new belief
system that is powerful and positive.
A badass reads the value of others. Everyone you meet can be rated on a value
scale as a Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, or Ten. The Sixes have supplicative
dynamics, the Sevens exhibit combative dynamics, and the Eights show signs of
competitive dynamics. The Nines and Tens
both have cooperative dynamics, though people in the former category believe
that there is always room for improvement while those in the latter grouping
believe that they have achieved perfection already. A badass is charming because he is able to
recognize the value level of each person he meets and calibrate his personality
to match it, and he is a leader because he is capable of adding value to lives
of other people.
A badass never buys attention or time. No man should ever buy things for women –
particularly drinks – in an attempt
to persuade them to spend time with him. Don’t waste time with people who hang out
with you because they feel obligated to, not because they actually enjoy your
company.
A badass can navigate the map of interaction. Four phases make up this map: attraction,
rapport, seduction, and
relationship balance.
Skipping a phase leads to predictable consequences: omitting attraction
lands you in the friend zone, omitting rapport means that you will encounter a
lot of resistance later on, omitting seduction leads to a passionless
relationship, and omitting the relationship balance phase will cause you to bounce
continuously from girl to girl because you cannot form a solid relationship
with any of them. A badass is able to
skip phases or screw them up because he knows that he has the skills to fix any
situation that goes wrong.
A badass can see the matrix.
He is able to determine what phase he’s in at any given moment, and he
knows how to move things forward into the phase that follows.
A badass can maneuver effectively within the sub-stages of
the phases of the map of interaction.
Attraction is divided into the stages of introduction, demonstrating
high (not “higher!”) value, and qualifying.
Rapport has four sub-stages,
called light rapport, wide rapport, deep rapport, and
release. Seduction is merely the logical half of a woman’s brain being
conquered by the emotional half, with the addition of sexual attraction. And a relationship balance is built of four
major components: power/leadership, compliance, value, and neediness.
A badass overcomes approach anxiety. A man with a faulty approach mechanism is considered
weak and submissive, so a badass focuses on defeating his approach
anxiety. By approaching within the first
two to three seconds in which he spots an attractive woman, he never allows his
brain to create excuses or feed him reasons for not approaching her.
A badass knows that attraction is just curiosity. When a woman is attracted to a man, the
feeling she experiences is nothing more than curiosity – the desire to know
more about him. A badass plays into this
by making sure that he doesn’t reveal too much about himself too early on, and
by saying and doing things that he knows will feed that curiosity. He also uses his own curiosity as a powerful
motivator – he is secure in the knowledge that he is the kind of man who always
approaches anyone he is curious about.
A badass does not ask for permission. Asking for permission is a sign of
submission. A badass plays the male
gender role, and therefore takes on the dominant position in a relationship.
Take risks, take chances, and take responsibility. Remember, though, that there is a big
difference between being dominant and being domineering.
A badass projects non-neediness. Neediness is a giant turn-
off for women. Don’t
try to continue an interaction that is clearly coming to an end. Don’t call her constantly. Don’t convince yourself she’s your girlfriend
if you haven’t had a conversation that explicitly labels you as such.
A badass is congruent.
Incongruence is a massive attraction
killer for women. A
badass’ body always says the same thing his mouth does.
A badass works out his social muscles. No, that doesn’t mean
he spends three hours of every day in a gym – it means that
he knows that his social skills must be exercised in exactly the same way as
his muscles. Exercise your social muscle
and it will get stronger; neglect it and it will get weaker. Approach new people often so that your social
muscle is always in tiptop shape.
A badass is a body language expert. A person who can read body language is able
to gather information from people that they’re not consciously sharing. In fact, a badass might even know a person
better than the person knows him- or herself! Body language can be either
dominant or submissive, and either positive or negative, and is divided into
four categories: eye accessing cues, walking, sitting, and talking. A badass maintains dominant body language at
all times, and employs a combination of positive and negative body language to
pique a woman’s interest.
A badass takes responsibility for his life. If he is successful with women, he knows he
is directly responsible for his success.
If an interaction goes poorly, he knows he is equally responsible for that.
A badass expects to see the top ten signals of attraction.
To determine that a woman is attracted to him, a badass keeps an eye out for
these signs: looking down, hair twirling, leaning in, triangulation, initiating
and/or escalating touch, congruence tests, compliance tests, positive body
language,
and qualifying.
A badass is a master of building rapport. There are four different kinds of topics on
which rapport can be built: eager
rapport topics, negative rapport topics, unexpected rapport
topics, and forced rapport topics. When
a woman brings up something that has a great deal of emotion attached to it,
she wants you to build rapport on that subject.
This is called an eager rapport topic.
A negative rapport topic is brought into a conversation when a woman
talks about something bad that she has experienced. If you build rapport on a negative topic, the
woman will begin to attach negative feelings to you and will feel that she has
to continue to talk about negative subjects in order to connect with you. Unexpected rapport topics are things that a
woman assumes you will overlook in a conversation, and forced rapport topics
are things that you cannot escape talking about, due to their serious nature,
if they are included in a conversation.
A badass has learned how to create love. When he finds the woman of his dreams, a
badass will be able to make a connection with her regardless of the situation
in which they meet.
A badass is desensitized to rejection. One of the biggest differences between the
badasses and the men who are not as successful with women is that the badasses
are simply not as affected by rejection as the less successful men are. It may be a cliché, but there really are lots
of fish in the sea. If you’re rejected
by one – or five – or twenty – or two hundred – there are always more women to
approach and connect
with.
A badass is prepared for a woman’s tests. Compliance and congruence tests are common,
so a badass is always
prepared. He knows
that if he is blindsided by a test, the woman testing him will know that he
isn’t used to being tested – and if he isn’t used to being tested, he clearly
isn’t used to attracting women.
Congruence tests show a woman whether you are the man you claim to be or
whether you are merely an image of a man you want to be. A balance must be maintained when faced with
compliance tests – compliance too early on will indicate that you are needy and
are not confident, but no compliance at all will make it seem that you are not
interested in the woman.
A badass is vulnerable first. Many men try to force women to be vulnerable
before they are willing to open up, but this approach will quickly ruin an
interaction. This can frequently be
avoided by making an effort to use the I perspective instead of the You
perspective.
A badass does not make any of the ten show-stopping mistakes
listed in the last chapter. Don’t do
them – end of story.
A badass constantly improves and discovers what doesn’t
work. Over years of
teaching, I have noticed that, again and again, the men who are most successful
are those whose goal is just to learn a new skill set. Men who are dependent on specific outcomes
(such as “getting a girl in bed”) have a much more difficult time learning and
applying this material. With that in mind…
A badass tests continuously.
Test everything until it no longer works and as soon as something fails,
take all the information you learn from its failure and use it to perfect your
abilities. Every person you meet and interact with is a potential source
of feedback, so use the wide variety of reactions available
to you to learn how to be effective in any situation. Eventually it will take actual effort on your
part for something to go wrong! When you
reach that point, you can stop worrying about all of the information in this
book and do everything naturally. Look for the lessons in everything.
A badass grows more valuable with every passing day. The most attractive men in the world are more
valuable today than they were yesterday, and will be more valuable tomorrow
than they are today. If you are
constantly improving, always growing both personally and professionally, and
taking steps every day towards becoming exactly who you want to be as a man,
you will be irresistibly attractive to women.
Following all the suggestions, tips, tricks, warnings, and
lessons in this book will give you total control over your interactions. “Getting lucky” will no longer be part of
your vocabulary, because everything good that happens to you will occur by your
design. You know everything you need to
know to completely change your life.
Remember that this book is an indispensable reference – now
that
you’ve read through it once, keep it Don’t ever forget that
application – handy so that you can consult it any not knowledge – is power.
time you require a bit of a refresher or need a question
answered. Log into the Members Only Area and
get your 4 Bonus Chapters... They teach my ninja-techniques
on how to: Stay Out of The Friend Zone, Successfully Date Multiple Women, How
to Make Sure You Never Get Cheated On, and How to Break Up Like a Man (a skill
you’ll need to know when the time comes). You’ll also get new lessons, videos,
audio, and webinars where you’ll get constantly schooled and boosted in your
skills. The Members Only Area will force you to actually APPLY the concepts in
this book. Let’s face it, you got this book to actually do the techniques you
have learned in it. Log in and continue your growth, buddy. There’s a badass
team of people waiting to help you get you the type of success you want to see.
Don’t ever forget that application – not knowledge – is
power. Knowledge is a magnificent gift, but it is the drive to apply the
concepts you learn that makes you truly powerful. So carpe diem badassium, my friends – go
forth and seize a badass day.
Sign in to the Members Only Area and get your Bonus Chapters
now and continue to get your video, audio, and personal training from me and my
coaches (you’re paying for it, so make sure you use it!).
I’m standing for all that is possible for you and your
success with women. Make me proud brother!
All the best,
Joshua Pellicer
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